Yo Ho Yo Ho Chim Chim Cheree

There’s a stupid game that my brother and I sometimes play.  It’s called the Sherman Brothers Game.  In this game, the idea is to come up with a new title for a Sherman Brothers song by throwing nonsensical syllables into the song title.  As long as it rhymes, it’s a winner.  It’s really more of […]

Indian Curses are the Least of Your Worries

Forget about flooded ghost towns, howling bobcats, avalanches, steaming geysers, runaway trains, cave-ins, or shrieking flocks of bats.  If it’s grave danger you seek, you can start by looking in the loading area. Legend tells of a Big Thunder Mining Company, which struck gold in this little corner of Frontierland. They expanded operations, riddled the […]

Protecting Your Treehouse From Deadly Swans

If Hans Gruber wanted to attack Adventureland, he’d stand a pretty good chance at turning that Tiki Room pagoda into the next Nakatomi Tower, but everything is else is too much work.  The Magic Carpets are guarded by spitting camels, the Jungle Cruise is too spread out, and the Pirates of the Caribbean has all […]

Tramp Sleeps With the Fishes

Never go against the family.  That’s the lesson here, especially in the high powered Italian underworld of Main Street U.S.A. “Take the gun, leave the meatballs.” Tramp always had it coming.  He should have known better than to skim free spaghetti dinners from a kingpin like Tony.  And he’s out flaunting his status with those […]

Shoving Complaints Down Your Throat

Go to Walt Disney World enough times and you’re bound to be accosted at some point by Disney survey takers, usually right when you’re leaving the park.  The questions they ask are usually pretty innocuous for most guests (“Did you visit American Idol Experience?”  “Did you take advantage of our picnic lunch program?”  “If Ariel […]

Just Us Chickens

Today I’d like you to meet the only animatronics in Toontown.  These lovely ladies may not look like much, but when it comes to three-dimensional moving figures, they’re all you’re gonna get.  Everything else is either a statue, a painting, or some college kid in a foam rubber suit. These gals aren’t that hard to […]