Monthly Archives: September 2010

Don’t Touch That Radio Dial

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It’s been quite a few years since my first trip to Disney World, and even my hundredth trip is far back in the rearview mirror, but every kid who ever made frequent pilgrimages to this little patch of Central Florida has that favorite “tell,” a fun little indicator that you were close.  Really close.  So close you would start straining your eyes to see if you could spot the Disney World on the horizon.

Usually right around Valdosta

The tell might be anything.  Billboards for your favorite attractions.  The smell of orange blossoms through the open windows.  Dad missing the exit and driving halfway to Miami, followed by Mom’s screaming fit and the imminent threat of “turning this van around if you kids don’t stop crying.”

I don’t know what the tell is for kids today.  It’s probably when they exit the plane and are hustled onto the Magical Express buses while Disney cast members in white gloves teleport their luggage on ahead to the hotel, where all the stationary has mouse ears and Stacey dominates the television with some kind of stimulant-induced tour of all the Disney thrill rides.

I have a sneaking suspicion we’re almost on vacation.

Back in my day, we drove, baby.  In a car.  Sixteen hours straight.  With our parents.  And yeah, sometimes we didn’t have air conditioning.  And sometimes my sister had to stop to go to the bathroom (seriously, it was like every 40 minutes).  But we always knew when we had arrived, because there would be a sign, and it would tell you to turn your radio station to a particular dial and receive up-to-the-minute information about Disney World.

Parkeology recreation, based on eye-witness interviews (i.e., us)

I’m talking park hours.  Driving directions.  Things to see.  Places to shop.  Wanted to know when Discover Island was opening?  The radio told you.  Need to find International Drive?  Radio has got your back.  Want to gripe about how much the President was ruining the country?  Yeah, okay, radio, but probably not Disney’s.

Hall of Presidents?  Not a big fan…

Some of you may not know what a radio is.  It’s sort of like an ipod for your car, only you don’t get to decide what iTunes puts on it.  And it has commercials and usually the sound quality isn’t that great.  This was especially true of the Walt Disney World radio stations, which were essentially nothing but a continuously looping commercial that you could barely pick up.

Disney actually had at least four low-powered radio stations.  1030 AM was the original, the Magic Kingdom’s welcome radio.  Dad would be paying the exorbitant $1 parking fee at the toll plaza, and you would be in the back blissfully listening to Pooh Bear recite today’s park hours.

This was critical info for planning your day, and hard as it is to believe, this was pretty much the only way you could find out ahead of time — by listening to your radio three minutes before you hopped on the monorail.  We didn’t have Deb Wills back then.  If the Magic Kingdom was going to shut down early, you wouldn’t even get the moose out front.  You either listened to the radio like a good boy scout, or you were in for a morning of bitter disappointment.

When EPCOT Center came online, the resort added 810 AM.  It was pretty much the same info, near as I can remember.  But 810 could cover the EPCOT parking lot, mostly (I think parts of “Imagination” were spotty).  If you happened to be caught in the radio black hole of World Drive, you would just have to keep playing that stupid license plate game until the static ended.

But wait!  Not only did Magic Kingdom and EPCOT both have their own welcome stations, they also had their own exit stations.  1200 AM  gave you all the information you needed to detox from a day at the Magic Kingdom, while 900 AM helped you re-enter the present after the breathtaking future of EPCOT.

Over time, the low-power radio stations finally disappeared.  DisneyShawn recently mentioned that the Magic Kingdom station used to run out of Cinderella Castle, in an area that is now the Castle Suite, but it was gone long before that.  I recently dug out my 1994 copy of Birnbaum’s and it still made mention of the radio stations, but by the 1997 version, the references had disappeared.

Who says you can’t make a living in radio?

This riveting site still lists them in a collection of Florida low-powered radio stations, but has notes that no transmission has been received since at least 2000.

Proving itself to be the most accurate guidebook around, the 2010 edition of Frommer’s still has info about the radio stations, complete with botched channel numbers.

And for those of you who want to somehow relive the magic of a 20-minute commercial, I was able to dig up a link to a recording form 1994.  Note that this was not actually from the park radio stations, but rather from a WDW Information station that broadcast way up I-75, towards Lake City.  This station may still be around, but I haven’t made the drive in quite some time.  This station tended more towards promotional content, not really park hours and the like.

For myself, I can only hope that one day the radio stations may magically come to life once more, the flicker of an old signal in the past that will catch everyone by surprise, and let us know that River Country will once again open at 10a.m. and remind us not to miss the New Years Eve fireworks occurring every night on Pleasure Island.

Followed shortly by the rise of the tripods

After all these years, I can only remember one snippet from the radio, but for some reason, I can recite it nearly word for word.  I’d like to share it with you, if you don’t mind (and my sister can back me up that this is accurate).  It goes a little something like this:

Announcer:  Whatever your taste, you’ll find a wide variety of dining options await you across the Walt Disney World Resort.

Pooh:  Mr. Announcer, do you have such a thing as a jar of honey, by chance?  It needn’t be a very big jar.  Of course, if you have a big jar…

Rabbit:  But Pooh Bear, you just ate!

Pooh:  Well, I’m a bear, and bears need honey…

Rabbit:  Pooh Bear!

Pooh:  Oh bother.

Thrilla in Parkzilla: ROUND THREE!

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If you are late to the fight you can check out the impact of round one HERE and take a beating with round two HERE.


Lets get into the mood…





As a reminder, this brutal fight was actually waged five years ago when it first ran on Miceage.com, we are re-running it in its original format now. A winner will be crowned today but next time (in round four) we will take an all new look at where the parks are today and see if the champ has held onto the belt or has become a washed up has been. 


Place your bets, let the carnage begin this is the… 


In an epic battle to determine which is the greatest of all the Disney theme parks Disneyland in Anaheim California emerged victorious from the first round narrowly defeating the other Magic Kingdoms. Round two brought us a brawl between all the non Magic Kingdom style parks and Tokyo Disney Sea in Japan handily toppled the competition.
Battered and bloodied the combatants are nonetheless ready to go.

Now these two gladiators are ready to go head to head in a clash of the world class theme parks to determine once and for all which park will reign supreme as the world’s best. In the previous articles we used a four category rating system to evaluate each park. This system was designed to judge each of the main attributes of the parks. They included:


In the past each category was given a score and those scores tallied to determine the ultimate champ. There was a little confusion amongst some readers as to how this system worked. Because Tokyo Disney Sea scored a higher final total than Disneyland they assumed the competition was over before the final round had even begun. This however is not the case. The scoring system we used was relative to the individual parks in the respective competitions. So Disneyland was being judged directly against the other Magic Kingdom style parks, not against the parks that would follow in round two. The net result is that the scores, while accurate for the individual competitions, may not be used to directly judge each park against one another.

This final round of competition will be handled a little differently. The categories remain the same but there will be no numerical scores. Because there are only two combatants left it will simply come down to which park is better in each area and ultimately which is best overall. We will also go into greater detail about individual rides, shows, restaurants and other elements that go into creating the best park on the planet. 


The fighters are anxiously waiting ringside so lets make the introductions and let the chips fall where they may!

Ladies and gentleman, entering the ring now is the winner from round two of our ongoing battle. It crushed the competition of the non Magic Kingdom style parks and has its eyes set on the ultimate prize, the title of the best Disney park in the world. Boasting an exciting theme, near flawless execution, varied and innovative attractions and an exotic overseas location I am proud to present TOKYO DISNEY SEA!


The Beast from the East

I now give you the originator of the category, the first true theme park, the winner of round one of the competition and a powerful fighter regardless of its’ advanced age. Featuring some of the most beloved attractions in the world, a theme that has not only stood the test of time but has been emulated countless times and a history and charm that other parks cannot touch. Lets hear it for the original DISNEYLAND!


Walt’s Pride

We all know the rules so when the bell sounds come out fighting, and may the best park win.

DING!



Round One: Attractions

Disneyland wants to get down to business in the attractions category and does so by unloading some of the biggest weapons in the industry. It peppers Tokyo Disney Sea with a powerful combination of true classics. Pirates of the Caribbean is considered by many to be the best theme park attraction ever made, and the original here in Disneyland is arguably the best of them all. Not content with just one beloved classic dark ride Disneyland also boasts the original Haunted Mansion. This is another attraction that has legions of adoring fans and a never-ending devotion from them.


However it is not just in dark rides that Disneyland excels. Big Thunder Mountain, Space Mountain and the Matterhorn are all roller coaster based thrill rides, each of which is considered a classic and some of the best themed coasters out there. In fact it is arguable that Big Thunder Mountain, despite being over 25 years old, creates the most immersive themed environment ever for a roller coaster based attraction.


In addition Space Mountain is nearing completion on a total overhaul that will replace the entire track and ride vehicles with much more modern and smoother counterparts while also adding new lighting and special effects. This should take a great attraction that was showing it’s age a bit and propel it into the 21st century. Still not satisfied, Disneyland lands more devastating blows with what is hands down the best flume ride in the world, Splash Mountain.


To show that it has not only classic attractions but also rides that feature newer technology Disneyland can turn to the Indiana Jones Adventure: Temple of the Forbidden Eye. This 10-year-old attraction revolutionized theme park rides by combining the thematic elements of a top-notch dark ride with the rush of a thrill ride in an all-new and unique way. Combined with a killer theme and spectacular execution it has gone on to become an instant classic in its own right.


In fact Disneyland has a plethora of attractions that run the gambit from the small dark rides of Fantasyland to the larger E-tickets mentioned earlier. Disneyland has just added its own version of the Buzz Lightyear ride that has been very popular at Walt Disney World and more recently at Tokyo Disneyland. The Disneyland version replicates the more elaborate sets and effects used in Tokyo and promises to be yet another hit for the park.

However Disneyland is not without fault in the attractions category and shows some signs of weakness. There has not been any major E-Ticket level rides added in a decade. Disneyland ultimately needs what every park needs, a constant flow of new attractions to keep itself fresh. Buzz and the refurbished Space Mountain help, but a major, all new and original ride is sorely needed as well. Still, in terms of sheer numbers, variety and overall execution Disneyland is tough to beat in the attractions category and delivers a near knock out punch.


On the other side of the ring Tokyo Disney Sea has no problem with new and exciting E-Ticket rides. As a new park (opened late in 2001) the park has nothing but new attractions and virtually all of them are unique and original created just for this park.


Journey to the Center of the Earth is one of its flagship attractions and it delivers everything one could want or hope for from an E-Ticket. It feels modern and new and unlike anything else in the Disney arsenal (it is most closely related to Epcot’s Test Track or the defunct Rocket Rods at Disneyland). This is a great example of how Disney can take a traditional dark ride and inject some thrill elements into it without giving up what makes Disney attractions special to begin with. It is similar to the Indiana Jones Adventure in that it is thrilling without being a pure thrill ride. Journey to the Center of the Earth is a stellar attraction and really shows off the mettle of this park.


Speaking of Indiana Jones, Tokyo Disney Sea has its own version of the Indiana Jones Adventure. It is more or less a clone of the original in Disneyland but if you are going to copy a ride they at least chose one of the best. Tokyo Disney Sea has some powerful weapons and it knocks Disneyland back with E-Tickets such as Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea and Storm Rider which is a next generation flight simulator featuring in cabin special effects.


The park is currently building two major new rides as well. The first fits into the American Waterfront section of the park and is a version of the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. Unlike the American versions this one will not have a Twilight Zone theme and the exterior architecture will take on the look of an early American skyscraper (above). The ride itself should be very similar to the U.S. counterparts. The second attraction going up now is titled Raging Spirits and is a looping roller coaster. This promises to be a longer, more elaborate version of the Indiana Jones coaster found in Disneyland Paris. It will not have the Indiana Jones theme though it will share much of the same look as it races in and around ancient ruins.



Where Tokyo Disney Sea stumbles a bit is in the number of attractions, especially smaller D or C ticket attractions. They have no equivalent of the Fantasyland dark rides. Rather an area called Mermaid Lagoon features small roller coasters and typical carnival type rides. While these are in general nicely decorated and housed in a very well themed indoor environment they cannot compete with rides such as Peter Pan’s Flight or Mr. Toads Wild Ride. Tokyo Disney Sea does have a very nicely done Sinbad attraction which falls somewhere between It’s a Small World and Pirates of the Caribbean in terms of overall execution as well as an Aladdin themed 3-D movie.


Tokyo Disney Sea has some wonderful walk through attractions including the incredible Fortress Explorations. Though not as flashy as the larger rides the detail poured into these walk-thru attractions is stunning. A handful of smaller scale attractions such as gondola rides and the Aquatopia (a sort of futuristic bumper boats ride that never quite lives up to it’s potential) round out the mix.


While everything at Tokyo Disney Sea is done with a level of detail and skill seldom seen elsewhere it currently lacks the volume of attractions Disneyland boasts. Perhaps it is unfair to compare a park that has had 50 years to evolve and add attractions to a park barely 4 years old… but that is the fight we have today and Disneyland uses it’s age to it’s advantage.


As the bell rings to signal the end of the round both combatants have delivered solid efforts, however Disneyland has the edge in this category. The park just has too many attractions for Tokyo Disney Sea to contend with. They both have a version of the Indy ride and while Tokyo Disney Sea offers Journey to the Center of the Earth, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and Storm Rider, Disneyland can counter with Pirates, Haunted Mansion and Splash Mountain. The soon to open Tower of Terror and Raging Spirits up the ante for Tokyo Disney Sea but Disneyland still has the Matterhorn and Space Mountain, plus all of the Fantasyland rides plus Roger Rabbits Toon Town Spin which is a very good and under rated attraction in it’s own right. Disneyland also boasts many smaller scale attractions such as the Tiki Birds or the Railroad and combined it slightly edges out Tokyo Disney Sea. After round one Disneyland is standing tall, but the fight is far from over.

Round Two: Atmosphere

In atmosphere the two parks again are among the strongest in the world and they can go toe to toe with each other with neither backing down.

Disneyland lands a solid blow with its old growth trees and the charm that come from 50 years of doing business. Disneyland in many ways has been pieced together over the decades and this creates a deeply layered, rich atmosphere than no new park can recreate.



Small surprises wait around every corner and in some ways Disneyland’s small size has forced the designers to be more creative when planning things out. At one point in Fantasyland there are several attractions literally stacked on top of each other. This sense of age and growth over many years gives Disneyland a certain legitimacy lacking from virtually every other theme park out there. It is less pre-planned and more organic in its feel and this somehow feels more real and less pre-fabricated.


On the other hand Tokyo Disney Sea is indeed brand-new and while that means a lack of old growth trees and some of the charm it also means a fantastic master plan in which everything works wonderfully well. The vistas and sense of place and scale that this park can produce are unrivaled at any other park in the world. You can see out over the actual ocean in several spots of the park and the centerpiece of the park, the Volcano Mt. Prometheus is always lurking in the background. The center of the park, Mysterious Island is truly the most perfectly and completely themed large-scale park environment I have ever seen. To think that this park will only grow better with age is staggering.


When Tokyo Disneyland was built in the early ’80s the designers intentionally left the walkways very wide to give a sense of space to the often-crowded Japanese visitors. While this was a good thought the end result can be a little sterile, almost mall like. It is hard to create an immersive environment when giant walkways have to snake through it all. With Tokyo Disney Sea designers rectified this. While still allowing ample passage the walkways now are more intimate in scale and allow for a greater sense of environment.


While Disneyland has great charm the tight space can also work against it. You end up with some odd fits like the Haunted Mansion almost touching Splash Mountain. And Tomorrowland is frankly a bit of a mess right now. After the last failed rehab this section of the park is lacking focus and a cohesive look for the entire area. The result is a bit of an uninspired mix that is showing its age. (As an aside, the original rehab plans for Tomorrowland would have produced a very exciting environment, but budget cutbacks prevented that from ever coming to fruition. The ongoing rehabs at Disneyland are currently addressing some of the Tomorrowland problems, but it is likely that even when complete this area of the park will still need larger scale improvements before it is back on track.)


So on one hand Disneyland has charm; on the other hand Tokyo Disney Sea has awe. Both have incredible atmospheric elements and unique traits that only they can boast.

Disneyland is the prettier of the two parks. With its flowerbeds, waterways, shade trees and smaller scale it creates a park like setting. Tokyo Disney Sea is the grander of the two, the scale of some of the areas is truly impressive and the level of detail is incredible.


Close as they are in overall level of quality they are very different from one another and Tokyo Disney Sea pulls out the win in round number two. Though it is lacking the charm of Disneyland it simply overpowers its older foe with an all-encompassing commitment to theme. Every single section of Tokyo Disney Sea does the best it possibly can in creating unique and exciting atmospheres. Just strolling around the place is a real pleasure. 



At the end of round two these two mighty fighters are tied. Half the battle is over, but two rounds remain.

Round Three: Dining

Round three addresses the dining options that each park offers. Both scored well in past fights so lets see how they compare head to head here.

Disneyland has an assortment of dining options that range from fast food carts to sit down restaurants. The crown jewel of Disneyland dining is the private Club 33. While this offers intimate fine dining overlooking New Orleans Square it cannot be considered in this competition because it is not open to the public. Right next-door however is the Blue Bayou restaurant. This is considered a “must do” by many Disneyland faithful. Housed at the start of Pirates of the Caribbean, the Blue Bayou is permanently bathed in the blue glow of moonlight. The faux outdoor setting is very convincing and offers a unique dining opportunity. The food is solid, though not spectacular but the real reason to visit it the beautiful atmosphere.


Blue Bayou invented themed dining

Other Disneyland offerings include the buffeteria style Rancho del Zocalo a nicely themed Mexican/Barbeque place and Tomorrowland’s Red Rocket Pizza Port. Of course there are many counter service fast food places and various food carts as well. Most Disneyland dining locations offer nice surroundings and fairly good food (as far as theme parks go).


Rancho del Zocalo is pretty

Tokyo Disney Sea can sense some weakness from its competition here and seizes the opportunity by really delivering a powerhouse blow in the dining category.

Magellan’s is a very elegant dining room set in the heart of the fortress nestled by the base of Mt. Prometheus. A gigantic 2 story high globe dominates the domed cylindrical room and detailed artifacts from around the world are set on display. A hidden dining room is housed in a wine cellar and the overall detail found here is wonderful. The food is up to par as well, closer to what one would find at a fine resort hotel than a theme park.


Magellan’s is spectacular

Tokyo Disney Sea boasts a wide range of specialized dining options and all of them are truly spectacular in their themed execution. For example the Vulcania restaurant is set inside a geothermal power station chiseled into the side of Mt. Prometheus. It serves Chinese food buffeteria style and the interior rockwork and general Mysterious Island themeing is something to see.


Vulcania takes it up a notch, or two, or three

In the American Waterfront section of the park within the S.S. Columbia (a giant scale replica of an early 20th century steam ship) you will find the S.S. Columbia Dining Room. This is another full service sit down restaurant with an elegant setting. There are really far too many dining options to list here and each is unique and very well done. From the Arabian themed Kasbah food court in the Arabian Coast area to the futuristic Horizon Bay in the Port Discovery section of the park, each restaurant shines brightly. In fact with the exception of Epcot, Tokyo Disney Sea offers more dining options than any other theme park.


As round three comes to a close Tokyo Disney Sea is pulling ahead – winning two of the three rounds. There is still the intangibles category left and Disneyland hopes to mount a comeback here.

Round Four: Intangibles

The bell has sounded and the final round is underway!

Disneyland scores some early points with something no other park can offer… history. Disneyland was the first theme park on the planet and the only one Walt Disney personally walked within and oversaw. You can fee that history and it is evident all over, from Walt’s apartment over the fire house to the Disney gallery that showcases original conceptual paintings of the park created by many of the original Imagineers.


Walt walked (and slept) in Disneyland

As I’ve mentioned before Disneyland also has the advantage of being around so long. Age gives a certain patina to some surfaces and allows the park to feel established and as if it has been here forever. Disneyland also has the unique benefit of being an honest American icon. It transcends being simply a theme park and in some ways feels more important, almost as American as real landmarks like the Statue of Liberty. It is indelibly a part of the American fabric and that can be felt while in the park.


Something no other park can boast

Tokyo Disney Sea is no slouch in the intangibles area itself. The Japanese parks are the cleanest and best run you’ll find anywhere. Everything is kept in absolutely pristine condition and it is in the nature of the many Japanese visitors to keep things this way. Tourists there seldom subject the parks to the same level of wear and tear as they tend to do here in the States.


But they have a freaking Volcano

Tokyo Disney Sea scores more points still by having a wonderful theme and even its location bordering Tokyo Bay works in its favor. While Tokyo Disney Sea lacks Disneyland’s history, it has enough other intangibles going for it that it is really a dead heat.

And does it even look like a theme park or something more?

At the end of this round BOTH parks are still standing and it’s almost too close to call in this category, so we could have had a virtual tie. However Disneyland has a slight edge here and wins due to its history and charm.


 Scoring the Rounds

The final bell has sounded and we have a split decision, so now we are going to need to go back to the scorecards.

Disneyland won in the most important category, attractions. It has some of the worlds best, many of the most beloved and famous rides in the world and a wide variety of them so as to appeal to virtually anyone.

Tokyo Disney Sea rallied back and took round two, which was atmosphere. It has an incredible sense of scale and grandeur; set pieces ranging from an active volcano to steam ships and even a renaissance fortresses simply cannot be beat.

Tokyo Disney Sea also won round three, dining. It’s untouchable in its mix of restaurant options and their execution.

Finally Disneyland came back strong in round four to squeak out a victory in the intangibles section, thanks to its current stature and past history.

So with two rounds in each park’s favor how do we declare a winner?

And the winner is…

It’s clear that these are the two best theme parks in the World, one a seasoned veteran that invented the category and has defined what a theme park is for five decades. The other is a young upstart full of ambition and innovation. A decision will have to be made, but no matter the outcome BOTH of these parks are real winners for visitors.

I hate to do this but if I am FORCED to declare an overall winner, I have to go with the original, Disneyland.


I have little doubt that over time Tokyo Disney Sea will continue to mature and perhaps one day overtake Disneyland as the single best park in the world. But for now Disneyland holds its own in every category and scores a win in the key area of attractions. Its current refurbishment is returning it to the beauty it once had and management seems to finally be addressing some long-term issues. New attractions are being added, older ones are being refreshed, and in general the park is looking great on the eve of its 50th anniversary.

Yes, Tokyo Disney Sea deserves all the credit in the world, and it’s simply amazing. But it lacks Disneyland’s stature and it will need to grow a little more and fashion a history of its very own.

The two combatants have each proven their worth, and both parks can leave this fight with their heads held very high.

Post Fight Analysis: 


So there you have it, a split decision decided by the most narrow of margins brings the title belt to the old man from Anaheim. But a lot has changed in the past 5 years.

Disneyland went through a wonderful refurbishment for it’s 50th anniversary and emerged from some dark days of deferred maintenance to return to the sparkling days of its past. New attractions such as the Finding Nemo themed Submarine Voyage have been added. In general the park is looking as good as it ever has.

On the other side of the ocean Tokyo Disney Sea has never seen a dip it its quality and in fact has hit its stride. Major additions in the past five years include an incredible version of Tower of Terror and much more.

Meanwhile the other parks around the world have been busy pulling themselves together, eager for a rematch. Stay tuned for the next and final round to determine who is the current king of the parks! 

Gun Logic in the Great Movie Ride

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I love simple solutions to complex problems.  Maybe that’s why I used my first pick on Alexander the Great in my World Conquerors Fantasy draft.  Not only did he solve the Gordian Knot, but he’s led the league in rushing the past three years.  Plus, he’s a huge Disney fan.

Rope Drop at the Magic Kingdom is never an issue with this guy.

The best solutions are so simple that they completely fool you into dismissing them.  You’ll never even realize there was a problem there to begin with.  Only by working backwards do you spot it:  a story angle that probably gave the Imagineers fits until they hit upon the simple solution.

There’s a great moment in the book “On Directing,” written by David Mamet, a prize-winning playwright for such works as Glengarry Glen Ross, Speed-the-Plow, and Tarzan Rocks.  In one chapter, he uses brilliant logic to teach his film students that the most important element in a scene is not the actor’s emotion, the camera angle, or the lighting, but the fact that a kid’s school report binder be recognizable from one shot to the next in order for us to follow what’s going on.

The same principle is at work in the Great Movie Ride.  If you know the storyline, you know that at some point the ride vehicle is hijacked (and if you didn’t know that, why are you hanging out on a Disney fan site?  You’re creeping us out!).  It can happen in one of two places:  Either in the “Underworld” set, in which you’re hijacked by a gangster, or (somewhat less frequently) in the Wild West, in which your hijacker is a bank robber.

Not him. But we kinda wish it was.

Later, your original tour guide makes a stunning comeback when your hijacker gets fried trying to steal a sacred treasure from the Temple of Doom.  Your original guide doesn’t seem to mind.  He or she fans the smoke away from the charred skeleton, gives a happy little “ta-da!”, and jogs down the stairs to resume the tour.  Nevermind that we just escaped a brutal hostage situation.  Nevermind that a gun-toting maniac has been driving us into one nightmare after another.  Nevermind that we just saw the flesh burned off a living human being.  The important thing is that she’s back!  Did ya miss me?

Forget it, Jake.  It’s Munchkintown.

Just one thing though.  In order for us to accept what has just happened, we have to make a positive I.D. on the corpse.  We have to know that our hijacker is truly dead, because we don’t want him popping back up in Oz with hatchet in hand and blood streaming down his face.  That might be a fitting end to the Great Scary Movie Ride, but this is Disney, so we need the comfort and warm, fuzzy security blanket of a ghastly skeleton.  In essence, we need to the entire audience to suddenly become a crack forensic team, without the luxury of dental records or DNA samples.

Or get help from the most competent cop in the Studios.

Somebody is dead, that much is certain.  But how do we know it’s our hijacker?  That corpse could be anybody.  There’s nothing left but bones, and most of us left our carbon dating kits back in the hotel room.  We don’t even know if it’s a guy or a girl.  It could be Al Capone or Calista Flockhart, for all we know.

Nah, too fat for Calista.

But here’s the fun little trick.  Our hijacker is either a male gangster or a female bank robber.  The skeleton takes care of the gender concerns, unless you’re a Biology major (in which case, what are you doing here?  You’re creeping us out!).  And the rest of the problem is solved by having the hijacker have a gun and wear a hat.  Those are the only props remaining:  The charred hat brim and a melted pistol.  So whether you were hijacked in the Underworld or the Old West, the scene works.  A neat and tidy little solution to get everybody back on track and accept the storyline.

Except I still don’t understand why the tour guide is so darn cheerful afterword.  Inappropriate jokes about going for popcorn…  The hijacker was evil, but he or she was still human!  And you’re just gonna laugh as they’re burned alive?  Have you no heart??

Catching Peter Pan’s Shadow

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It’s good to be back to posting after a week of illness.  Hey, at least it gave me time to setup our new Parkeology facebook page.  If any of you FB-ers are so inclined, why don’t you show your Parkeology Team Spirit and click the big old “Like” button over there on the right of the page.  Come on, all the cool kids are doing it!

I also managed to work on my shadow collection.  In the Parkeology offices, we have a pretty decent collection of shadows.  Some of these are fairly standard; you’ll find them in any collection.  A couple monorail beam shadows.  An ugly Hat shadow. Stuff you can find on the shadow of every CM lanyard.

But we also have some rare ones.  We’ve got a Yeti shadow from Everest, and an actual talking Brer Frog shadow from Splash Mountain (yes, it used to talk). A few months back, we captured the shadow of Peter Pan himself, as he slipped in one night to listen to stories about Neverland (mostly about himself).

You remember this shadow, right?  It figures pretty large into the plot of the movie, since that’s how Wendy first meets Peter, by stitching his shadow back on.  The shadow pops up in the ride version as well, in the very first scene of the Darling nursery.  It beckons us out the window and on to Neverland.

The Darling Nursery.  Or, the inside of my esophagus.

The shadow normally appears on the wall above.  Note that there is no shadow in the picture.  That’s because we captured it.  And we probably won’t be giving it back, unless you pay us a lot of money.  Sorry for ruining the ride for everyone else, but we just had to have it.

The other possibility is that we stupidly tried to take a picture of a shadow with the flash on.  There is something about flash lighting that shadows don’t like.  But we prefer to think that we caught it.

“I looked in the trap, Ray!”

Either way, this proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the shadow in the Nursery scene is a real shadow, not a fake one.  And let me tell you, when it comes to Peter Pan’s Flight, the fake shadows are the ones you have to look out for.

There are no fewer than three fake shadows hiding out in this ride, and most visitors never even realize it.  The shadow fakery begins in the very next scene, with the moonlit flight over London.  If you’re going to spot a fake shadow, here’s where you’re most likely to do it.

It’s Peter Pan’s version of E.T. which is itself ripping off Peter Pan:  As the children fly off to Neverland, the shadows pass in front of the moon.  It’s fair to say that everybody knows about these fake shadows.  They’re painted on.

Parkeologists are skilled at many things, but framing photographs is not necessarily one of them.  This one shows the shadows appearing on the moon on the left side.  The moon itself rotates to give the impression of the shadows flying past.  But you already knew those were fake, didn’t you.  In fact, you’re more intrigued by the plywood catwalk and the crushed velvet backdrop.  But that’s why you’re a Disney nerd (hey, so are we).

The next fake shadows are a little more fun to spot, because they’re designed to blend in.  Quick science refresher:  What causes a shadow?  Answer:  Evil tree spirits.  But also a light source striking an object.  The object blocks the light from the area behind it, and is said to “cast a shadow” (sort of like how this article is said to “talk down to its audience.”)

So when a “light source,” such as a campfire, strikes an “object,” such as a fat child in a bear suit, that child (in this case, a Lost Boy named Cubby) will “cast” a large “shadow” on a “volcanic mountain,” which everyone knows will cause its aluminum foil lining to rupture.

Them Lost Boys look ready for a lynchin’

“Hey, wait a second!” says the sharp-eyed Disney World rider.  ”That campfire ain’t no light source!  It’s a fake!”  And they are right.  The campfire appears to glow because of the blacklight paint, but it’s not giving off any light.  So how is it that Cubby is throwing back a shadow the size of a Yeti Kitty up there?  And that kid in the devil suit must be a vampire, because he casts no shadow at all!  (shut up, I know it’s really a fox costume).

Some savvy Disney designer has actually painted Cubby’s shadow on the mountain, to help sell the fact that the campfire is glowing.  Nice bit of detail, that.  Too bad all you Disney nerds are more interested in the fire extinguisher (you can admit it).  Given the scale of the scene, I don’t think Bambi needs to worry about any forest fires with that bad boy hanging around.

After leaving the Lost Boys, we go past the Mermaids.  I didn’t spot any sham shadows here.  In fact, these are normal mermaids, and have absolutely no hidden references to anything else Disney at all.

Except for the red hair.  And the purple sea shells.  And the fact that if you look embiggen this picture, you can see the word “Ariel” spelled out on her fins.

But after leaving the Mermaids (did you click that picture to embiggen?  Ha!  Sucker!), we immediately come across the tribe of Indians, and that same wily Disney designer is at it again.  More campfires means…  more painted shadows!

Either Tiger Lily hates the smell of campfire or she is a serious snob.

Three of them, in fact.  The Chief gets his own looming shadow.  The squaw with the papoose gets hers, and even Tiger Lily has a nice profile with her nose in the air on the other teepee.  The chief’s shadow is actually the one that got me interested in tracking down fakes, since it is the one that stands out the most in normal ride lighting.  I only found Tiger Lily’s, the squaw’s, and Cubby’s after some practice.

The cool thing about this one is the logic.  Because the campfire is situated in the middle, it would obviously throw shadows in an arc.  That’s why Chief’s and Squaw’s shadows are directly behind them on the teepee, but Tiger Lily’s is thrown to the left, rather than on the teepee parallel to the Chief’s.

I also like how the papoose seems to be staring right at Tiger Lily’s shadow.  Foreshadowing?

Here’s another angle of the Indians.  Kind of cool because you can see that the back half of the Chief’s teepee is completely shadowed, except for a little bit of the red band at the top.  Of course, it also makes it look like the two braves on the drums have been shot in the head with arrows, rather than decorated with feathers.

There may be more fake shadows on this ride.  Perhaps I’ve only scratched the surface.  Something to keep our eyes open for the next time we go galavanting off to Neverland.

Thrilla in Parkzilla: ROUND TWO!

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If you missed round one catch up HERE.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the most massive mega fight of all time, the ultimate showdown of the Disney gladiators, a fight that has been decades in the making, this is round two of the….

The crowd is still riled up after the first round of this epic battle but if you missed it check out round one for all the gritty details on the duel to the death of the Magic Kingdom style parks.


Before we jump back into the ring remember, this article was originally published 5 years ago.  That was before Hong Kong Disneyland opened, before the additions to Walt Disney Studios Paris, before the name change of Disney-MGM Studios, before Disney’s California Adventure started it’s current transformation and before many attractions opened or closed at various parks.  We will relive the battle as it was back then, then in round four take an all new look at how things stand today.

But with six combatants we have a lot of ground to cover, the bell is about to ring this is…

Lets get it on!

Last time we set out to answer which of the Disney flagship parks, Disneyland, Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom, Tokyo Disneyland or Disneyland Paris was the greatest of them all. The parks were pitted against one another in a fight and evaluated in four major categories:

As round one drew to a close the dust settled, the smoke cleared and Disneyland stood victorious as the best of Disney’s Magic Kingdom style parks the world over. It was a close fight to be sure, a near draw in fact. However as in any competition there must be a winner and Disneyland found a way to claw out the most narrow of victories. In the end it was a combination of classic and varied attractions mixed with a charm and history that the other parks cannot match that tilted the fight in Disneyland’s favor.

But now there are other challengers waiting restlessly in the wings. Disney has created many other parks, parks that do not fit into the Disneyland / Magic Kingdom mold. For round two we will pit all of these other parks against each other in a battle royal to declare which alternative Disney park is king.

We will use the same rating system and the same categories as in round one. 40 points is still the perfect score. However it is important to understand that the scale is relative. In other words in round one each park was evaluated as they compare to each other. In round two each of the new parks will be compared directly with each other (not as they compare to the Magic Kingdom style parks). What this means is that a score of say 30 in this competition may not be equal to a score of 30 from the first competition. Keep this in mind when reading the final scores.

Today’s competitors 

I present to you the second park built at Walt Disney World and the first non-Disneyland style park built by Disney. Tipping the scales at twice the physical size of the Magic Kingdom, this is no lightweight of a park. From Orlando Florida let’s hear it for the dawn of a new Disney era, Epcot! 


Kicking butt in the future as well as around the world.



Entering the ring next is a Hollywood heavyweight. This double fisted gladiator can deliver the glitz of showbiz or an adrenaline rush of excitement. The third park added to Walt Disney World and the most popular movie themed park in the world, give it up for Disney-MGM Studios! 


No Hollywood pretty boy.


The next challenger is once again coming to us from Walt Disney World in Orlando Florida. Stalking the ring now is a whole new species of theme park. The largest park in the Disney empire, the newest park on the Florida property and a wild addition to the Disney line up, roaring into this fight comes Disney’s Animal Kingdom! 


The biggest Disney park in the world… is it the best?


Hailing from Tokyo Japan is perhaps the most eagerly awaited park in history, the companion park to Tokyo Disneyland it had big shoes to fill and a lot of hype to live up to. From the salty oceanic depths comes what has been called the greatest park ever imagined. Setting sail and aiming to sink all competitors make some noise for Tokyo Disney Sea! 


The fan favorite… master of the seas.


From Anaheim California our next combatant is the sister park to Disneyland. After years of planning it was the first park added to the California property in over 45 years and the newest Disney park in the United States. Boasting some proven winners as well as new concepts in attractions, give it up for the Golden State Warrior Disney’s California Adventure! 


Located in the real California is this nice fake California (!)


And finally, all the way from Paris France is the newest addition to Disney’s ever growing stable of parks. The sister park of Disneyland Paris and the cousin of Disney MGM Studios it hopes to prove its merit with a powerful combination of Hollywood magic and European style put your hands together for Walt Disney Studios Paris! 


Avert your eyes… nothing to see here.

Epcot 

Epcot takes the first swing in an offensive move designed to cripple the competition. Blessed with size Epcot was designed as almost two parks in one, the forward-looking Future World and the international mix of World Showcase. This size allows Epcot to hold a wide variety of attractions, each neatly contained in it’s own pavilion.

Epcot delivers a rattling blow in the attractions department with some of the newest and most technologically advanced attractions in Disney’s entire arsenal. Mission Space is it’s newest addition and along with Test Track and the currently under construction Soarin’ flight simulator (imported from Disney’s California Adventure) make up a core of newer thrill oriented attractions. This park also enjoys a true classic and one of the best Audio Animatronics shows Disney has ever created, the still stirring American Adventure. Epcot attacks the competition with a series of body blows in the form of its remaining original attractions, things like Spaceship Earth, Universe of Energy and the Living Seas. Finally it aims to topple its foes with a slew of movies and interactive attractions found throughout the park. However Epcot’s attractions are a mixed bag these days. The park must have taken a shot to the head and is seeing fuzzy double vision because Epcot does not seem to know what kind of park it wants to be or what kind of attractions it should house. It is currently an awkward mix of eighties era edutainment attractions tossed in with pure thrill rides with just a light overlay of science thrown on to add legitimacy. Across the lagoon World Showcase sits as almost a different entity entirely and it makes the park feel like it has several split personalities. Still, Epcot is strong enough in the attractions category to deliver a solid 12 and send a clear signal that it means business.

In the atmosphere category Epcot again delivers a hard straight punch to the gut of all challengers. Each pavilion of World Showcase is a beautifully detailed gem, a microcosm of each host country. Sure, these pavilions are idealized and greatly simplified versions of the real deal, but in general they are done very well and are all about atmosphere. Strolling the promenade of World Showcase on a pleasant fall evening and taking in the ambiance is one of the true pleasures Disney parks have to offer. Future World cannot match the charm of World Showcase but still features some stunning architecture and impressive themes, though it can come off as a bit sterile. With everything taken into account Epcot lands an impressive 13 points for atmosphere.

In the intangibles department Epcot hits a glancing blow. It is in general a well-maintained park but it does have an identity crisis. Is it a thrill park, an educational park, a world’s fair? Who knows? While World Showcase has lots of charm, Future World lacks the optimistic love of the future it once had and is currently mired in a sort of limbo zone. 3 Points.


 Finally Epcot digs deep and lands a devastating, jaw crunching uppercut when it comes to dining. No other park can go toe to toe with Epcot in this area. Every World Showcase pavilion features both sit down and fast food restaurants specializing in regional cuisine. Future World chimes in as well with the Coral Reef that allows you to dine while peering into an underwater world and another that silently rotates past show scenes from the Land pavilion. Dozens of fast food choices and food that literally covers everything from hot dogs to sushi to prime steaks to hand made pasta or a five course French meal on white linen, Epcot has something for everyone. In fact dining is such a core part of the Epcot experience that it hosts an annual food and wine festival which adds even more variety and quality. Notice how it is a food and WINE festival. Yes, Epcot has the freedom to serve alcohol and this adds a new dimension to the park, which allows it to cater to a more sophisticated adult market as well. It is in Dining that Epcot comes into it’s own and throws down a powerful 5 out of 5 points.

As the bell rings Epcot stands tall and proud earning a mighty 33 points.

Disney-MGM Studios

Waiting ringside is Disney-MGM Studios with hopes of delivering a K.O. with its high octane thrill rides and behind the scenes look at movies.

When the park opened in 1989 it was small and light on attractions, but through the nineties Disney-MGM saw steady growth and is adding attractions even now. The park proudly boasts what many consider to be the best thrill ride ever created, the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. In addition Disney-MGM Studios is the Florida home of Star Tours, a now classic attraction that lives in the Magic Kingdom style parks at all the other resorts. Another powerful punch is held within the Rock-N- Roller Coaster, a highly charged inverted coaster that is the fastest and most intense of all the Disney coasters. These attractions make up a core group of thrill rides that keep Disney-MGM Studios in the mix. The park also offers an Indy themed stunt show, is adding an auto themed stunt show (does one park really need two stunt shows?) and has several other strong attractions such as Muppets 4-D. However the park takes a hard shot to the kidneys with it’s aging and seemingly ignored backstage tour. Still the park rallies back and lands a solid 12 points for attractions.

Unfortunately Disney-MGM Studios takes a direct blow to the head that sends it to the canvas when it comes to atmosphere. This is again a park with a split personality but unlike Epcot only one part actually works. Hollywood and Sunset Boulevards are both incredibly themed and offer wonderful atmosphere. There is very little Disney has ever done that can compete with Sunset Blvd. leading the way to a looming and ominous Tower of Terror. The Hollywood that never was perfectionism of Hollywood Blvd. also creates an atmosphere that is fun to be in and feels “Disney” in every way. However the park has been hobbled with a giant sorcerer’s apprentice hat that was plopped down at the end of Hollywood Blvd seemingly with total disregard to its surroundings.

It blocks the meticulously themed Chinese theater to the point where the theater can no longer be seen at all. It is garishly colored and looms above everything else like a lurid beckon of bad taste. Perhaps worse of all, this would be icon of the park does not contain an attraction but rather a pin trading shop… it is the ultimate sign of money over content, offers nothing to the park and is a major misstep. The giant hat serves as a gateway to the rest of the park, all of which is much less themed than the entry and Sunset Blvd. The pat excuse used here is that a movie back lot does not have a pretty theme, that it is rather simply a series of warehouse like sound stages (this is a philosophy which will come back to haunt some future Disney parks as we shall see). Try as they might, no one is buying that and the result is that much of the park is bland. The good news is that improvements are being made is some areas. The fun New York City backdrop is being expanded to include sections from San Francisco and Chicago and there are a few nice pockets like the area surrounding the Muppets 3-D movie attraction. But this is not a park one visits for it’s atmosphere and so it is clobbered and gets a weak 8 points.


The park certainly wants to recover from this set back and it comes out aggressively swinging in the intangibles department. The theme of the park is interesting and it feels unique and different from the other parks. But an illogical and pieced together layout hurts it’s efforts and limits it to only 3 points.

Finally in the dining category the park is able to land some solid hits and make up some lost points. Boasting the Prime Time Café and the Sci-Fi Diner Disney MGM Studios has some of the most fun and unique dining around. The Brown derby is a great sit down affair and there are several good counter service choices as well. It cannot quite match the breadth of options Epcot has but still nails it with a great 4 points.

Disney-MGM Studios is left slightly dazed and a bit wobbly but delivers a very sound 27 points.

Disney’s Animal Kingdom

Charging into the squared circle is Disney’s Animal Kingdom, it’s the young gun of Walt Disney World parks as is ready to show the old timers how to do it.



Right out of the corner the park scores big points with Kilimanjaro Safaris. This long, unique and very detailed attraction recreates African landscapes uncannily well. It is by far the largest attraction Disney has ever built and showcases live animals while telling its anti-poaching story. With the competition against the ropes Animal Kingdom shows no mercy with Dinosaur, a thrill ride using the same ride vehicle technology as the Indiana Jones Adventure from Disneyland. Featuring the largest Audio Animatronics Disney has created this ride delivers thrills and a glimpse at long extinct animals. The park now moves in for the kill with some great shows like It’s Tough to be a Bug 3-D movie and The Festival of the Lion King. However, despite it’s youthful exuberance Animal Kingdom runs out of firepower before it can deliver the knock out punch. While it has a raft ride and some very good walk through animal exhibit attractions the fact is that Animal Kingdom needs more attractions, especially more big attractions before it can compete for the title. This is currently being addressed with the construction of Expedition Everest, a new thrill ride due to open in 2006. But even with that new “E Ticket” extravaganza the park is still short on attractions. Animal Kingdom has the goods but needs more before it can compete in the heavyweight class and therefore pulls down a score of 10 for attractions.

The fight is not over for the scrappy young park… not by a long shot. The next category is atmosphere and this is an area that Animal Kingdom shines. Unlike Disney-MGM Studios you really feel that there is a master plan to Animal Kingdom, a single cohesive vision that has guided the park’s development. This has allowed the park to create a single-minded atmosphere that makes it a true pleasure to behold. Animal Kingdom feels like a giant version of Adventureland. It is full of textures, and weathered signs and thickets of bamboo. Waterfalls spill into unseen grottos, flamingos casually relax in the shadow of the impressive Tree of Life and one could spend hours simply studying the hundreds of animals carved into the trees’ trunk.


Animal Kingdom is not trying for a single knock out punch but rather wins the fight of attrition. Everywhere you look, everyplace you go is detailed and themed to the gills. It is a case of the park itself being as big of an attraction as any of the actual rides or shows held within. It is not what many people expect from a Disney park and that is exactly as it should be. Animal Kingdom delivers a huge 14 points for atmosphere and sets the competition back on it’s heels.

This quality spills over to the intangibles department. The theme of Animal Kingdom is very focused and allows the designers to really create deep attractions to explore it. The layout is again unique, forgoing the typical strip of shops and restaurants at the park’s entrance, opting instead for a tropical garden. In fact if not for the very temporary and out of place feeling Camp Minnie-Mickey section of the park dragging it’s score down the park would receive a perfect score, as is it still manages to land an impressive 4 points.


Finally Animal Kingdom shows its weaknesses again in the dining category. Unable to stand face to face with its rivals Animal Kingdom is lacking ANY sit down establishment within the park itself (though a Rain Forest Café sits at the front gate). The counter service options it has are quite good (the setting of Flame Tree Barbeque is unparalleled) but alas the lack of great depth in this area has the park swinging at air. 2 points.

Disney’s Animal Kingdom is a park that clearly has the eye of the tiger. It is like a great Olympic boxer who has all the potential in the world, the only question is will he train hard enough and grow into a great champion, or will he get lazy and fat and end up as a has been?

The bell rings and Animal Kingdom has a surprising 30 points. 


Tokyo Disney Sea

A hush falls over the crowd before they erupt into wild cheers as the next fighter takes the ring. Tokyo Disney Sea was wildly anticipated by millions of Tokyo Disneyland’s adoring fans.


Featuring some of the biggest and best attractions Disney has ever produced Tokyo Disney Sea seems unstoppable in the attractions category. It attacks with a new version of the Indiana Jones Adventure and scores solid points; it follows up with the original Journey to the Center of the Earth and then relentlessly moves in with Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea and Storm Rider. A slew of smaller attractions ranging from the insanely detailed walk through Fortress Exploration to the Sinbad ride prove that Tokyo Disney Sea is not just a one-punch pony. Just when it seems like the park is running out of steam it comes back with not one but two major new attractions currently being built. A new version of Tower of Terror (minus the Twilight Zone theme) and a new coaster featuring water and fire effects going in next to the Indy ride. The park also has several major shows and really prides itself on not only the quality of the shows, but also the detail of the theaters themselves. The other combatants are quivering in their boots as Tokyo Disney Sea scores a mammoth 14 points for attractions.


Not content with resting on its attractions might, the park continues it’s aggressive onslaught in the atmosphere category. Featuring a giant volcano sitting in the middle of the park, which erupts with plumes of flame and smoke it is obvious that the look and feel of this park were very important to the designers. The Mysterious Island section of Tokyo Disney Sea may very well be the most completely themed environment in any park ever built. Nestled in the caldera of the volcano is a Captain Nemo themed world that envelops the visitor completely. Everything you see hear and smell is a carefully orchestrated mix, nothing has been left to chance. This level of detail is seen throughout the rest of the park as well. Be it an Aztec pyramid, a renaissance fortress or a Venetian canal the atmosphere of this park will leave you gasping and has the competition trembling. It is not perfect, there is a disturbing lack of greenery, the park is too new to have many large trees and its location on landfill extended into Tokyo Bay is in the flight path of the airport. However these are small quibbles as compared to the positives. In one area of the American Waterfront portion of the park a man made waterway visually lines up with the real ocean sitting outside the park’s gates and the result is a seamless vista unlike anything in any other park. It is details like this that allows Tokyo Disney Sea to daze the others with powerhouse 15 points!


The park continues its roll in the intangibles category. The theme itself is brilliant and it fit’s its location perfectly. A park like this can only be given true justice at a waterside home and Tokyo Bay fits the bill well (the original idea was to build this park sea side in Long Beach Ca.). The cast members are the friendliest and most helpful I have ever encountered as well. I once saw a man drop a large container of popcorn that spilled all over the walkway. A sweeper was cleaning it up literally seconds after it hit the ground, faster in fact than the guest himself could bend over to pick the cup up. This type of fanatical attention to detail and quality control set the park (and it’s sister property Tokyo Disneyland) far above all the others.

The Hotel Mira Costa is one of the most beautiful hotels in all the Disney Arsenal; it sits inside the park offering unparalleled views. The shops all offer unique and individual merchandise as well. You will not find the same plush dolls sold in store after store. You will not find that regardless of the name of the store they all sell the same items. On the contrary, here each shop carries unique merchandise available nowhere else on earth other than that one tiny store. This makes shopping and browsing much more fun and even exciting. The list goes on but at the end of the day a pattern is starting to form… Tokyo Disney Sea rises up to the challenge of its rivals with a perfect 5 points.

Finally in the Dining department the park refuses to let up. Offering high end sit down options, a wide variety of counter service and many fast food options Tokyo Disney Sea is nearly perfect. From the dining room on the S. S. Columbia to the Gyoza dumplings cart in Mysterious Island, from the formal dining of Magellan’s to the counter service of the Vulcania Restaurant the themes and execution are all extremely well done. By American standards the portions are small, but then again we are the fattest nation on Earth. Tokyo Disney Sea cannot quite match the vast array of dining options Epcot offers but still lands a powerful 4 points.

Towering above the rest Tokyo Disney Sea finishes the fight with a nearly perfect 38 points… it will be tough to topple this powerhouse of as park, but the fights not over yet.


Disney’s California Adventure

Next up is Disney’s California Adventure. Fueled by the close connection to Disneyland this park hopes to glide to victory.


Right away the park suffers some damage in the attractions category. It is simply unable to stand up against the rest with it’s unappealing mix of recycled attractions borrowed from other parks, scaled down original attractions and a handful of off the shelf amusement park rides. California Adventure is not without quality attractions however. It’s version of Tower of Terror lacks the magnificent setting and some of the effects of the east coast original, but is a very good attraction in it’s own right. Meanwhile Soarin’ over California is a runaway hit, good enough to be transported to Epcot next year. Bust sadly that’s about it for the real “E Ticket” rides. Somehow this parks version of the Muppets and Bugs 3-D movies simply don’t play as well as the originals. Maybe this is due to the fact that they squandered an opportunity to do something new or maybe it is the scaled down settings they are presented in. The amusement park rides of the Paradise Pier portion of the park are no better, and in some cases worse than typical Six Flags attractions and while the back lot movie themed section of the park has a very nice animation attraction much of it is again scaled down and lacking. Not a complete wash out but still disturbingly weak California Adventure is gasping for air and it can only score 9 points for attractions.

The park may be stumbling and bloodied but things are just going from bad to worse in the atmosphere category. Pockets of the park such as the area around the Grizzly Rapids raft ride or the aviation themed Condor Flats are quite nice and reach the level of detail people associate with Disney parks. But you almost need to have blinders on when walking through this park to avoid being exposed to all sorts of outside distractions (such as the convention center and neighboring hotels), which all but spoil the mood. The Paradise Pier rides shine nicely at night and glimmer of the water but in the end are just not special enough to help the park, and in many people’s eyes they do nothing but hurt the overall feel of the place. No single area of the park is large enough to really envelop guests and so the park swings and again misses coming up with a paltry 9 points for atmosphere.


Shaken, California Adventure stays the course and again falls on it’s face with intangibles. The very odd choice of a California theme for a park housed in California leaves one scratching their head. With only one truly unique major ride, a lack of well themed or uniquely stocked shops and an awkward layout the park manages to score 2 points for intangibles.

Finally California Adventure saves some face in the dining category. When the park first opened it was a real powerhouse in the area but over the years it has dropped or scaled back many of its more interesting dining options. It is still left with several nice places to eat including a very high end Vineyard themed dining room (The Vineyard Room). A popular character meal restaurant and some solid counter service options allow the park to come in with a respectable 3 points.

All said and done Disney’s California Adventure manages to avoid total shame with a score of 23 points. Not as bad as it might be but so much less than it should be. California Adventure feels like a halfhearted attempt. It’s not ready for prime time and is outclassed by the rest of the field.


Walt Disney Studios Paris


Finally we have Walt Disney Studios Paris, and after seeing this line up it turned tail and ran out of the ring. This recent addition to the Disneyland Resort Paris property is a scaled down version of Disney-MGM Studios in Florida… you could call it Minnie-wannabe.

In the attractions category the park offers precious little. One could see everything there is to see in a matter of a few hours. Even a half of a day is far more time than it takes to see it all. With only one actual ride (the Rock –N- Roller Coaster) it is easy to mix up this park with a “land” or section of a more complete park, but no… this is it. To be fair there is the Aladdin carnival ride, which is a Dumbo style attraction plus the backstage tour, but these are not really rides in the sense of what people look for from Disney. Speaking of the backstage Studio Tram Tour here it is even shorter and has less to see than the Florida version. The park does boast several shows including the much talked about CineMagique and the all-new Armageddon Special effects show. The former is a solid presentation that is marred by a warehouse style theater that would be more at home at a tractor pull than a Disney park. The later seems aimed at the same crowd that enjoy the Back Draft attraction found at Universal Studios, only much smaller and less impressive. 4 points.

After that debacle the park hopes to rebound in the atmosphere category, but it looks like it is again in way over its head. Visually this is by far the least interesting Disney park and the only one in which the word “ugly” may honestly be applied. A series of generic cement warehouses, um excuse me, soundstages make up the bulk of the park. Even the signs, an area Disney usually excels, are uninspired and simple. In fact there is nothing special or unique or even pleasant about the atmosphere of this park. It is similar to being in an industrial park with some cheerful music being piped in. The one area with some interest is the Studio One building. Another generic concrete barn of a building but this one houses some interesting facades that act as the “Main Street’ of the park. It is the only area that creates any atmosphere at all. 3 points.



For intangibles the park manages to come up empty handed, it may be time to throw in the towel. It’s small, the cast members working there seem defeated and the layout is haphazard. One can traverse the entire park, from one side to the other in a matter of minutes. There is not even a central icon or showpiece of the park. Let’s be kind, 1 point.

Finally we have dining, and once again the park can barely lift its gloves to defend itself. With no sit down options and only a few counter service joints, all uninspired and lightly themed, the park manages but 1 point.

Whimpering and teary-eyed Walt Disney Studios Paris is curled up in the fetal position cowering in the corner of the ring. This park tried to bring a knife to a gunfight, then realized that it even forgot the knife. Unable to even crack double digits Walt Disney Studios Paris is destroyed with a mere 9 points total.

Scoring the Round

The fight is over, the bell has rung and there is a clear victor. Unlike the battle of the Magic Kingdom style parks in which all four contenders were locked in a virtual tie this round we see a huge disparity in quality. The top parks are all worthy of their heritage and offer a wonderful value and experience for the guests. However the bottom parks seem rushed, cheap and in some cases perhaps flat out mistakes.

Clear cut winner… no doubt this time!

Tokyo Disney Sea is an incredibly sound park that delivers very high marks in all categories. It takes the belt and looks to be getting stronger and stronger. Epcot nearly played the role of spoiler. For a park that has lost it’s identity and original focus it still manages to deliver a great overall experience and took a very solid second place. Perhaps the biggest surprise is the strength of Disney’s Animal Kingdom, a newer park that has an incredible foundation to build on. If handled properly it could grow into a real contender for best overall park, it is that good. Disney-MGM Studios is also a solid park. Its lack of an original master plan hurts it a bit. It is not as focused as the other parks and suffers from an awkward layout. Still, it has nothing to be ashamed of with its finish. Disney’s California Adventure is another story. It suffers from major design and conceptual flaws. It is however still a pleasant place to visit and hopefully can be fixed. Sadly Walt Disney Studios Paris is such a mess in its current state that it is hard to imagine how it will ever recover. It simply does not have what it takes.

I will break you.

 So now the two champs have been named, Disneyland as the best Magic Kingdom style park and Tokyo Disney Sea as the best NON Magic Kingdom style. But what would happen if these two parks met face-to-face, man-to-man in a single fight to settle it once and for all. Which single Disney park is the best in the world? Stay tuned for the next installment in which we will examine just such a fight and crown one park as the crème de la crème, the best Disney park in the world!

Stay tuned…


Post Fight Analysis:


Tokyo Disney Sea took the title 5 years ago and has done nothing but gotten stronger.  It is hard to imagine that another non Magic Kingdom style park could take it down.  But Animal Kingdom has added Everest and Nemo, California Adventure is growing by leaps and bounds and Epcot should never be counted out.  Midway Mania has been a huge success for Disney’s Hollywood Studios and even lowly Walt Disney Studios Paris has seen major expansions.  How would this fight shake out today?  Once again… we shall answer some of these questions in round 4, but next up is round 3, the title fight between Disneyland and Tokyo Disney Sea… place your bets, this is going to be brutal!