Monthly Archives: February 2011

The Spanish Word for Pirate

Posted on by
9

Today we have a story in which a young child learns about other cultures.  He also learns about friendship, togetherness, and world peace, but not until EPCOT Center opens.  No, this story takes place way in the past, and the young child is me.

Let me ask you a question that I think I know the answer to.  Did many of you, as young children growing up on a yearly diet of Walt Disney World, ever collect park maps?  I think you probably did.  And if you were like me, you spent your formative years hiding in your room, poring over every little inch of marketing blurb, trying not to think about what the kids at school were saying about you, or wondering why mommy always had that worried frown on her face whenever she caught you tracing that logo for Adventureland (the cool one, with Shere Khan in it) .
Seriously!  Shere Khan!  How’s that for a rare character these days?
At the time, we just had the one park, so I had a nice tidy collection of Magic Kingdom guide maps.  You kids may not realize it, but these were actually booklets — stapled and everything — and each land had its own page, and each shop and each ride and each restaurant actually had a sentence of two describing what it was.  There would be a whole section devoted to photo tips, to let you know what speed you should shoot for fireworks, and where you could buy film, and even how to get it developed (do not worry if you didn’t understand any of that last sentence. Digital technology ruins everything).
When you go to the park as kids, you tend to focus on the rides, and ignore shops and restaurants.  Not so at home, when it is just as fun to read the marketing copy for the New Century Clock Shop as it was to read the blurb for Space Mountain.  One day while reading the map, I found a little restaurant in Adventureland that I had never heard of before.  In fact, it seemed to be written in a language I had never heard before.  It was called El Pirata Y El Parico and it is here that my journey begins.
There were many other shops and locales surrounding this restaurant on the map, many of which featured “Spanish curios,” and so I used my awesome powers of deduction to learn that this new language was probably Spanish, and I also began to develop a vague understanding of what a curio was (which I think is something like cross between a “curiosity” and an “oreo”).
In case you were wondering, the Spanish version of disney.com does not translate the restaurant name into English.  It also doesn’t translate “Blast-off Burger” into Spanish.
Since the restaurant was was across the street from Pirates of the Caribbean, it was not too far a leap to guess that “Pirata” was the Spanish word for “pirate.”  I’m not joking when I say I decoded this restaurant title like a cryptogram.  It was a shorter step still to figure out that “El” meant “The“, and a breathtaking leap of logic to understand that “Y” meant “And.”
For the longest time, the “Parico” eluded me.  But at some point I stumbled across a picture of the sign (maybe I even saw it in the park), and finally guessed at the last word.  At last I had the whole picture of what this restaurant was about.  The Pirate and the Parrot!
And after all that, what did any of this have to do with hot dogs?
Sure, it’s tacos now, but back then…
Anyway, I share all this with you because last week El Pirata Y El Parico opened under a new name:  Tortuga Tavern.  This obviously ties in with the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and maybe they’re hoping it will engender some goodwill towards the restaurant (restaurante), since normally it never stays open past the afternoon parade.
Whoops, scratch that idea.  This was shot at dinner time at the “new” Tortuga Tavern.
Think of all the learning that has been lost.  Now kids will never know the pleasure of decoding foreign languages in theme park guide maps, and some day blogging about such sad activities to a vast audience of potential hecklers.  A bit of mystery has been lost from Adventureland.
On the other hand, maybe Disney is not as careless about such lost opportunities as it appears.
Same sign as above, only this time from inside looking out towards Pirates.  Hey, wait a second…
By the way, all my code cracking skills as a kid were not up to parsing shop names as cryptic as “Mlle. Lafayette’s Parfumerie,” which once graced the storefronts of Liberty Square.  Do you realize how old I was before I finally figured out what the heck “Mlle.” stood for?  It was after High School, I’ll tell you that.  And no, it is not “Milliam.”

Hidden Jafar Revisited

Posted on by
7

So last week I posted a picture of the Hidden Jafar at Animal Kingdom, and some of you — including my fellow resident parkeologist Teevtee — doubted its veracity.  To be honest, I don’t blame you.  I have been known to come up with some half baked notions and crazy conspiracy theories from time to time (though to be fair, I wasn’t the only one who thought he saw Elvis performing in several episodes of Doug Live — you know who you are)

Doug had his own stage show at Disney MGM Studios, don’t you remember?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  But parkeologists never forget.

The Hidden Jafar really may be just a coincidence, but I did hear about it from an Animal Kingdom Cast Member.  As everyone knows, Cast Members never have bad information.  If it is a coincidence, it’s a pretty awesome one.  Just curious, for those of you who can’t see it…  Do you also have problems with those Magic Eye posters?  I’ve had people tell me those aren’t real either.  But they are real, and so is the Loch Ness Monster.  Trust me, I’ve received several insulting emails from Nessie (sea serpents hate my guts).

This photo was snapped just a couple weeks ago.  Really, it made the news!  And if this isn’t incontrovertible proof of a giant prehistoric monster living in a Socttish pond, I don’t know what is. 
Anyway, I stand by my photo of the Hidden Jafar, and through awkward, amateurish use of photoshop I have attempted to give you a point of reference below.  If you still think I’m hallucinating, all I can do is refer you to Acts 2:15.

Tell me:  Am I imagining it??

Just for kicks, here is a Magic Eye image.  The first person who tells me what the secret image is will win a free subscription to parkeology.

Hint:  The prize is worthless

Villains in the Mist

Posted on by
7

There are good animals and there are bad animals.  Gorillas I think must be bad animals.  For one thing, they stink.  Ever wonder what that smell is at the exit to Kiliminjaro Safari?  Putrid, vomitable gorilla.
They are also only marginally cute even as babies, which is tough to do in the animal world.  And they have a reputation for flinging certain items that you don’t want to have flung at you.
Disgusting, right?
But I think the biggest indicator is that they are attracted to villains.  Despicable people like Jane Goodall and Sigourney Weaver.  If you’re hanging with that crowd, it’s a sure bet you end up in juvy by your 10th birthday.
It’s not hard to envision this face on the “FBI’s MOST WANTED” list.  That look is pure rage.
The gorillas at Animal Kingdom live in the aptly named “Pangani Forest.”  This area used to be called “Gorilla Falls,” but that title proved far too confusing for tourists, who were just trying to find out where to see gorillas.  As is the case with most tourist attractions, Disney thought it wise to make a more explicit title based on a coastal village in Tanzania.
You might be wondering what Villains have to do with any of this.  So let me spell it out for you.  When I say “Coastal Tanzanian Gorilla Village,” what Disney villain immediately springs to mind?
Gorillas love this guy.
If you said Clayton, then you are close.  If you said Scar, then you are even closer.  If you said Bette Midler in Beaches, than you probably need to seek mental help.  But the most obvious answer is Jafar.
The movie Aladdin is clearly based in a Tanzanian coastal village and features several gorillas in prominent roles.  At least in the Rod Serling version.  The best part is when they discover the remains of the Cave of Wonders on the beach at the end.  Love that twist ending.
The DisneyQuest on the Planet of the Apes features a Statue of Liberty slide.
And really, how else can you explain the visage of Jafar in the middle of Pangani Forest Exploration Trail?  If you don’t remember seeing it, you need to look closer.  Awhile back, we chronicled the “Hidden Baloo” over in Harambe village (which made sense, since The Jungle Book is set in the middle of a bustling African city).  Now we bring you the “Hidden Jafar”.
This is the first bridge in the main Gorilla area, looking back towards the entrance.
Still don’t see it?  It’s really just his face.  His craggy, timeworn face.


And for the record, we are still not done uncovering random hidden things in Animal Kingdom.  There’s actually another one near Jafar, and it’s not a hidden Iago.  But that’s for another time.

The Diamond in the Rough

Posted on by
2

One of my favorite topics is complaining about places at Walt Disney World that I’ve never been able to visit.  Ever since my post about the Catwalk Bar, I have been consumed with jealousy for people more privileged than myself.  I think it’s because when I was a young lad, I once begged for pennies outside the Gulf Coast Room, and was spit upon by more affluent parkeologists like Teevtee, whose parents would occasionally take him for a flambé feast before shunting him off to private boarding school in Vermont.

I snapped this candid photo of Teevtee at last year’s annual Parkeology gala, as he scrutinized my attire.  This was just before he and the golf pro got into that big fight over a game of bridge.

To recap, I never got to visit the Catwalk Bar above the Soundstage Restaurant at the Disney MGM Studios.  This is the same building that now houses Playhouse Disney.  Well, technically it now houses construction workers, who are busy installing Disney Junior, which is essentially the same thing as Playhouse Disney.  Much like Playhouse Disney, Disney Junior will not allow access to the Catwalk Bar, since preschoolers do not typically consume alcohol, unless their last name is Lohan.

I do not know why the Catwalk Bar should cause me such fascination.  It’s probably because I cling to the false hope that there are cats up there.  Big, fuzzy, cigar smoking cats enjoying a late afternoon martini before heading out to watch the “Calling Dick Tracy” show.  These sort of closed-door, long hidden areas are the cause of an unhealthy amount of fantasy on my part.  If only I had a time machine…
When I was younger, I could throw a football a quarter mile.  Then I got interested in theme parks.  Big mistake.

Let me share another little bit of history that I wish I had experienced.  You probably wish it too, as it is utterly juvenile and completely awesome.  Much like the Catwalk Bar, I cannot even find a picture of this thing.  But for a few months, shortly after DisneyQuest opened, it existed.  And then it was removed.  We here at Parkeology would never advocate physical violence, but we will not object if you find a lawyer and give her a dirty look.

DisneyQuest is a little heavy on Aladdin.  The genie acts as your host in the elevator on your rise to the top floor.  A painted cutout of the Cave of Wonders arches over the “Explore Zone” staircase.  The premier game used to be the Magic Carpet Virtual Reality thing (which has sadly been eclipsed by such wondrous entertainment diversions as my cellphone, Twilight novels, and waving a string at my cat).
But how many of you know there used to be an Aladdin ride?
In the future, we will all look like complete doofuses as we navigate polygonal worlds filled with four different types of texture.

It was a primitive thing on the top floor, right after you got out of the elevator.  It was named after the Cave of Wonders and it was a tube slide.  Literally, it was one of those things at the Boneyard or Honey I Shrunk the Kids Movie Set Adventure.  It probably had that same silly Cave of Wonders cutout over it.  It went from the top floor at DisneyQuest all the way down to the ground floor (home of the Virtual Jungle Cruise, which has sadly been surpassed by such wondrous entertainment devices as picking lint out of my cat’s belly button and making obvious Lindsay Lohan jokes).

Based on my experience with late-night DisneyQuest teenagers, I don’t think I would call any of them “diamonds in the rough.”

The slide lasted only a few months before some kid died a horrible bloody death, falling from 5 stories up, then getting accidentally mauled by sharks that had gotten loose.  Or maybe they just got a rug-burn on the landing.  Anyway, if you want to stick a pin in a voodoo doll of a lawyer, we will not say anything.

Or feed them to a living statue.  Remember when they had living statues at Italy in Epcot?  They were a big hit.  Never ate anybody though.

And I never got to ride the thing, which is the real crime, because I totally would have spent all my time doing that rather than trying to figure out Missile Command.  Is there anybody who is good at that game?  I mean seriously, I am just awful at it.  Pretty good at Burger Time though.

Sega released this video game 18 years ago.  It surpasses all major DisneyQuest attractions in accuracy, beauty, and playability.  It has also been known to give noogies to “Ride the Comix”.

Where in the World is Bing Crosby?

Posted on by
5

A fun little diversion today, as we have a guest post from none other than my sister.  I am not joking when I say she is obsessed with Bing Crosby.  Seriously, we’re thinking of having an intervention.  Anyway, enjoy this chronicle of all the references in the parks to Bing.  It’s sort of like the Kevin Bacon game.
——–
There is very little question over who is the most celebrated Disney character of all time – that extraordinary little pedagogue from a sleepy little hollow.  Therefore, it is no wonder that a blog committed to the lesser-known Disney has avoided the topic thus far.  No sense overstating the obvious.  But the fact of the matter is that behind the braided ladies’ man is a voice not often recognized in the world beyond Ichabod.  As we’ve all prayed witness to his animated adventures time and again (with special marathon viewings around Halloween), I’m certain that we could easily imagine the face of a one Bing Crosby, as his ears are not that unlike the set portrayed on Mr. Crane.
Stay tuned for our future series, “Where in the World is Kelsey Grammar?”  Three words:  Flights of Wonder.
And while Mr. Crosby remains a mystery to most amateur parkeologists, the fact of the matter is that he is most prevalent throughout the parks if one has a keen eye or ear.  I use the word “keen” because it’s one you might have heard in his time, though perhaps not too frequent now.   Although he is often mistaken for an orphaned elephant who learns to fly (big ears, you know), one might pause to wonder now, “Where in the World IS Bing Crosby?”
I’ll give you a good start.  In fact, I’ll bet that most of you already have a similar photograph in your Disney albums and scrapbooks.  It’s said to be the most photographed icon in the parks. 

Bing Crosby provided the narration and voices for the Legend of Sleepy Hollow.  Sleepy Hollow refreshments is actually just across the street from this sign.
There was a time when Bing Crosby, himself would arrive to issue such voice lessons right there in Liberty Square.  But the guests, expecting Ichabod instead, began to complain and question who this Crosby character was.  Based on the popularity of the attraction, however they later opened The Ichabod Crane experience at the Superstar Television Theatre at Disney-MGM’s Hollywood Studios (only partly joking here.  The Legend of Sleepy Hollow is one of the scenes you can dub in the post-show to Sounds Dangerous).

Crosby graciously conceded and fled to London in 1976 where he masqueraded as a living legend of American Film and Popular Music until his untimely death in 1977.  His other film credits have remained undiscovered apart from the classic 1960 championship World Series game between the Pirates and the Yankees (where he starred alongside Keith Richards).  Until now…
Since you’re already curious, now, head on over to the Studios (one-time home of Ichabod Crane Experience, hereafter referred to as ICE) and wander across the street into the Hollywood Brown Derby.  There, you might find caricatures paying homage to the Cros and the Snos, as pictured below:
The guy in the middle is Bing.  The other guy is maybe Quinton Tarantino?
I know what you’re thinking!  “Wait a minute!  I’ve seen that mug, somewhere before!”  And it’s true, somewhat.  See, Bing really got his start in dance bands and on radio.  So until the first “moving picture” came out in the 50s, no one had really seen that mug anyplace.  But they heard his voice.  It’s rumored that Bing occasionally pops up on the radio shows broadcast over Sid Cahuenga’s, but never verified by a Parkeologist.  (I can verify it, though since I’m only moonlighting here for a moment).
However, if you’ve ever taken a step inside the house, you might have seen a photograph of Bing (as portrayed by Sid Cahuenga, as portrayed by Danny Dillon, Hollywood impersonator).  Yes, that’s a roundabout way to get to Bing, but we never said this was going to be easy. 

Let’s try another spot.  If you’re in California, you’re sure to hear Mr. Crosby serenading you with a clever rendition of “San Fernando Valley” as you enter California Adventure beneath the stunning Golden Gate Bridge.  (But you might have to stand and wait for the music to loop back around). 

Bing loved badly themed malls.
And taking a respite visit to the Tiki Room, you’re sure to hear a little “boo boo boo-ing” (another Bing trademark) followed by a chorus of “bing!” from the tropical birds.  Birds were always fond of Mr. Crosby.  I suspect it had something to do with his outstanding whistling prowess.  If you can find a copy of the soundtrack to Tokyo Disneyland, listen carefully to their version of the Tiki Room.  The music is virtually identical, but they actually refer to “Bing Crosby” by name.

But the surest place to meet Bing in Disney World (or anywhere else for that matter) is to wait for the Christmas season.  His voice will be filling up New York Street as noticeably as the lights cascading down the buildings. 


And if you’re not sure whether it’s him, he’s usually the guy you hear singing “White Christmas.”  (Or wearing a flaming pumpkin for a head).