Monthly Archives: October 2012

A Day Long Remembered

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There’s a part of me that is afraid to write about Lucasfilm and Disney. If there are two obsessions I have shared since childhood, it is theme parks and Star Wars. And not always in that order. There’s a good reason why I created parkeology.com and not bloggathehutt.com. For one thing — in spite of making up that name on the spot, off the cuff, just now – I did a google for that title and found out there is already somebody writing as Blogga the Hutt. Also, I’m trying to coin a new phrase, “did a google.” T-shirts coming soon. But probably the main reason I don’t write a Star Wars blog is that I live in Orlando, FL and not Marin County, CA. I love both topics so much, I basically turned the whole decision over to geography.

The most appropriate Halloween image I could come up with.

Growing up, I would go to Disney once a year if I was lucky. But we had Star Wars on VHS all year long. If someone put a gun to my head and said “Pick between Disney theme parks or Star Wars movies,” my first reaction would be “That is a really weird thing for you to be basing your homicidal tendencies on,” but my second reaction would be “If I choose the parks, do I get to keep Star Tours?”

So yeah, I’m afraid to write about this, because I have a sneaking suspicion everyone will be writing about it. It’s all we’ll talk about for the next 5 years or however long it takes for them to finally decide which piece of Hollywood Studios they’re going to rip out to put in that Cantina restaurant, which everybody and their cousin knows has to be coming, because it has popped up at least 16 times in my Facebook feed.

And I’m not sure I want to hear everybody talking about it, you know? Because I feel like it’s sorta my thing. Like I’m the only one in the world who truly understands just how awesome this is. How could anyone out there truly have the same grasp and appreciation for both of these subjects that I have? They don’t deserve to get to talk about Star Wars and Disney together! I’m the one who built a scale model of Epcot in the same room where I filmed my shot-for-shot remake of Empire. I’m the one who took all my Star Wars action figures on Disney vacations with me. I’m the one who first drew up some Cantina restaurant concept art, lightyears before anybody thought of that idea. And I’m the one who suffered the shame when my mom said “You are a college graduate! Stop bringing your action figures into the parks.” In so many ways, this is culmination of a lifelong childhood dream. I’m the only one whose opinion matters!

This is absolutely wrong, of course. When you think of crazy fan bases, it’s hard to find two more rabid than Disney and Star Wars. You can’t walk 10 feet in Orlando without tripping over a Disney fan. And I really wish the city would do something about that, because I’m sick of all these passed out people cluttering our walkways. And you can’t go anywhere in America without bumping into a Star Wars geek. We’re everywhere. Young, old, black, white, male, female, it doesn’t matter. Disney and Star Wars are all-consuming, and the overlap is inevitable.

I suppose it comes down to jealousy on my part. It’s like it’s my wedding day, and all my friends suddenly are getting married too. This is supposed to be my special day! And now I have to share it with every Disney fan on the internet.

It would be silly to for me to try to communicate what this means. Every fan knows what this means. Harry Potter? Ha! It was cute while it lasted, Universal. Hollywood Studios resurrected from the dead. A 1-2-3 knockout punch at the box office (Pixar-Marvel-Star Wars). And I am desperately fighting the urge to tell you all my ideas for Star Wars rides. Oh, I’ve got them. Have no doubt about that. So do you. So does everyone.

So what can I contribute to the discussion? Is it possible for a little blog like this one to add anything to the crush of expert analysis that has already hit the interwebs? I think the one perspective I can offer is that I have no perspective. When it comes to this deal, I am all-in. Blindly faithful. No downside to be found. To me, this is Christmas Day, and I’m the Nintendo 64 Kid (just do a google). My thoughts did not immediately jump to whether this is a Potter killer, or what will happen to Avatarland, or jokes about Jar Jar (okay, maybe one joke), or that motherlovin’ Cantina Restaurant. That will probably all come later. Today, I’m just going to enjoy it.

Disney now owns Star Wars. How cool is that?

The bad Photoshop image I have been waiting a lifetime to create.

 

Gaston Has a Zit and Other News

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Not to make the poor guy feel bad. But he really did. It was quite prominent on the side of his nose, and no amount of stage make-up was going to cover it up in the harsh Florida  sun. Somehow I don’t remember this feature being touted in the rousing drinking song.

No one’s red like Gaston! Acne that spreads like Gaston! Plans to pop all these pus-filled whiteheads like Gaston!

Gaston was out greeting guests during previews this week, which I was lucky enough to attend. And though his facial blemish was perhaps the most interesting item of the night, there were a few other things I wanted to call your attention to. We come to that part of the week where I basically brain dump all the miniscule little changes that have taken place on property. I think of this as a valuable community service. The fan sites already have wall-to-wall coverage of all the significant stuff, but who is looking out for the irrelevant? Parkeology, that’s who.

We begin with the attraction that’s on nobody’s radar: The Jack Sparrow Experience. As best as we can tell from the new exterior, this attraction is a one-of-a-kind experience that promises to fulfill something. And that something is, Jack Sparrow! Guests will step inside the confines of a Jack-Sparrow-infused building, where they will come face to face with an incredible array of Jack Sparrow-ish things. Disney is truly raising the bar by featuring Jack Sparrow as you’ve never seen him before. This dazzling assault on the senses promises to leave you wanting more Jack Sparrow! You will hear him. See him. And possibly even buy merchandise related to him! One thing’s for sure, you will have no idea what this is, because Disney has not said diddly squat about it. Unless they’ve somehow uncovered the actual Fountain of Youth under the leftover Narnia props, it’s a good bet this turns out to be nothing but another extended commercial.

If there is a Fountain of Youth in there, how many Disney Dining snack credits does it cost?

Continuing through Hollywood Studios, we see that the Electric Mayhem has appeared in full concert inside the Muppet Studio Store. I’m not sure when these were added. It could have been months ago, but I just noticed them. I dig it very much. These guys are just cool, right?

Nothing says “Mayhem” like a static puppet display.

And what have we here? The Droid Factory is going strong once again in Tatooine Traders, after running out of parts earlier in the summer and angering action figure collectors everywhere.

No word yet on when the Mr. Potato Hutt kiosk will open.

Tons of Haunted Mansion merchandise on sale, probably because of the occult holiday. Madame Leota snowglobes! I’m shocked this wasn’t invented earlier. Remember that dreadful Magic Kingdom snowglobe parade?

Have a holly jolly seance

Turning our attention to Epcot, where the Food and Wine Festival is in full swing… Germany apparently has a miniaturized version of the festival in its model train area. All that’s missing are the roaming packs of middle-aged women, dressed in identical drinking-themed t-shirts and getting blasted at the happiest place on earth (seriously, I counted 5 separate groups on Saturday, and they turned out to be far more annoying than Brazilian tour groups).

They even have a miniature cranberry bog, with miniature Food and Wine pricing. Only $8 per cranberry!

For Disney Visa card holders, Chase is operating a refreshment lounge in the old Wonders of Life pavilion. Behold, the majesty of the corporate refreshment lounge!

This place reminds me of every bad business conference I’ve ever been to. It could really use some sleazy corporate pitchmen passing out business cards and product literature.

Epcot has been just packed to the gills the last few weekends. Disney has really learned how to sell this event to the locals.

Of all the countries represented, the Nation of Cheese is by far my favorite.

A quick trip into the Magic Kingdom parking lot reveals some enhancements to the trams. Each car now sports side-facing speakers, presumably to tell those people waiting to board to please stand behind the yellow line.

And such a sporty design too!

We leave you with this stunning image of the Earful Tower, captured at night on an iphone while zooming along World Drive. They’ve added or enhanced the lighting. The ears and rim of the tower are now outlined with what looks like LED rope lighting. Looks very pretty in the evening sky! Too bad you can’t tell.

Through trees, even. Eat your heart out, Tom Bricker.

Circus Bear Mix-Up

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I have no wish to rant about Storybook Circus, but there’s Another Part of Me that wants to. Circuses may have been magical in the first half of the 20th century, but today they conjure up negative associations with animal cruelty, carnival freaks, and child endangerment. Which come to think of it are pretty much the three defining characteristics of both Dumbo and Captain EO.

Certainly the fan community is impressed. All it takes is one Carolwood Pacific reference and Disney will have us all eating out of their hands. And that carpet in the gift shop! Such beauty we have never seen before! Judging by my blog reading list, there have been reams of paper spent on the Big Top Souvenirs carpet (because who doesn’t print out their blog reading list?) But I’m a jaded old cat, so I say talk to me again in six months and let’s see how that carpet is holding up.

I tend to lump Disney geeks into three categories. At the top you have the really passionate fans who know everything about everything. They write blogs and stuff. They’re well aware that there used to be a Mickey Mouse Club Circus at Disneyland (it sank into the swamp), a Circus Fantasy parade/show (it also sank into the swamp), and an EPCOT Daredevil Circus (it burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp). But Storybook Circus stayed. These people would have spotted the Carolwood reference a mile away, without any self-congratulatory help from the official Disney Parks Blog. These people know that the original idea for Storybook Circus came from a 1972 model for Dumbo’s Circusland, and if you check out the pictures, you can see just how similar the idea is. It’s easy to see why the 1972 version was never built: It lacked a 60-second, barn-themed kiddie ride.

Flight of the Hippogriff

Practically de rigueur after this stunning masterpiece of theming!

In the middle are the normal fans. These folks may not know everything, but then again, they also have lives. They can name most of the major Imagineers (especially those with outrageous names like Xavier, Yale, Rolly, and Jim). They have some appreciation of history. They can quote Haunted Mansion word for word. They’re either transitioning into obsession, or are self-aware enough to recognize that a career in circus rants isn’t as exciting as it sounds.

At the beginner level are the Hidden Mickey guys. These are the people who just love everything Disney, including its lesser films like Anastasia. They know about all the secret things in Florida — the hidden tunnels and the collapsible castle and so forth. They also know that discovering three random, vaguely conjoined circles is either a super-secret hobo language invented by Leonardo DaVinci himself, or a possible indication that you live in an Olympics host city.

The Last Supper

Do you see it??

I don’t despise the Hidden Mickey fans. We were all there once, right? But the main point of the Internet is to find some other group to feel superior to, and the hidden mickey crowd just happens to be the Rebecca Black to our Justin Bieber. Also I find it terribly amusing when they stumble off the bunny slope onto the Black Diamond trails.

True story. This happened at Storybook Circus a few weeks back. There I am, minding my own business, when suddenly I recognize two of the most famous faces in all of the Disney podcastosphere (not exactly the population of China, but still!). George and Jeff from Communicore Weekly are in line behind me at Dumbo. I’m friends with these guys online, but had never met them in person. It helped that they were both wearing these:

Oswald EarsSo we’re spending a few minutes catching up, introducing the families, etc. And some more people rush up, who shockingly recognize none of us. They just want to know where Jeff and George got those awesome ear hats. The guys politely explain that they got them at the Emporium on Main Street. The lady is thrilled. She is a huge Disney fan and recognizes how unique these items are. She wants to know what that picture is on the little badge. “Oswald the Lucky Rabbit,” Jeff replies. He points to her companion’s Oswald t-shirt. “Just like you have there.” This woman is talking to two mega-fans who hosted their own live sold-out fan-event at Epcot, and one Parkeologist who makes up fake interviews with the sheep in Impressions de France. If there’s another level of Disney nerd above us, it’s reserved for people whose last name ends in “Lutz.” “Oh no,” she says. “That’s not Oswald. That’s Mortimer, before Walt changed him to Mickey.”

Like I said. Bunny slope.

Anyway, I have gotten so far off topic by now with my celebrity name-dropping, that I’m not even sure what my point was. Oh yes, Disney geeks and Storybook Circus.

My theory is that Imagineering often aims for the mid-level of geekiness because most Imagineers are themselves in this level. They work for the company, so they have a decent amount of knowledge. And they were probably fans growing up, because it’s a weird career choice otherwise. But it’s also their job. We all like to say we’re passionate about our jobs, but I’m guessing most of us aren’t obsessing about the rich history of Accounting or collecting Teacher trading cards. Imagineering has its share of obsessive geeks of course, and probably its share of hidden mickey lovers too, such as whoever dreamed up Paradise Pier (that’s actually insulting even to hidden mickey lovers). But most Imagineers probably don’t come home from work, trim their mustache, change into vintage Smoke Tree Ranch pajamas, and dine on chili and beans (I’m not the only one that does this, right?)

I don’t really fault them for this. In the end, it’s not how much Disney history you know. It’s whether you can built a great Disney attraction. Yet it still bothers me when they miss an obvious reference to Disney lore and culture. Take this, for instance.

Humphrey the Bear

One of the posters outside the gift shop.

Now the funny thing is, in many circles, this is actually considered a successful example of Imagineering geekiness. Humphrey is practically unknown to the vast majority of the people visiting Storybook Circus. I’d wager that 99% of the people there think this is just a random bit of artwork made up specifically for the circus poster, and that Humphrey has no history outside of this one-time use. Of course, Disney geeks know Humphrey starred in a few National Park inspired shorts several decades ago, and he has actually been making a bit of a theme park comeback (Humphrey merchandise was on sale in Frontierland not too long ago).

Lambert the Sheepish Lion

Hard to call someone who thinks he’s a sheep a “Man Eater”

Humphrey isn’t the only obscure character referenced in Storybook Circus posters. Lambert the Sheepish Lion, from a 1952 short film, gets his own poster, as does Salty the Seal, who originally starred in Mickey’s Circus all the way back in the 30′s. There’s even some character referred to as “Goofy” whose origins remain unknown.

But Humphrey bothers me. Not because I dislike Humphrey (I love Humphrey! Humphrey’s the best!), but because they have a whole 30 minute featurette sitting in their library, whose entire plot revolves around a circus bear. Bongo the Circus Bear is not just a major theatrical effort for the company. It’s also SEO friendly.

Bongo the Circus Bear

His whole shtick is that he’s good on a Unicycle! It’s like Humphrey is pulling some Single White Female switch on him!

You’ve heard of Mickey and the Beanstalk, of course. The Sir Mickey’s shop in Fantasyland already references this film. What you may not know is that it was only one half of a feature length movie from 1947 entitled Fun and Fancy Free. It was released during Disney’s anthology period, when money was scarce because of some war or something. It had two segments, stitched together with some Jiminy Cricket transitions. The Beanstalk made it into the parks. Jiminy made it into the parks. But Bongo has disappeared completely.

It’s strange to me that Imagineering built an entire Circusland in the parks, and had an obvious need for some kind of circus animal to not only add some background, but to also be the main face of their candy apple counter inside Big Top Souvenirs (Humphrey appears on the signage there too). They wanted a bear, and instead of tapping the only circus bear in all of Disney theatrical history, they opted for the comic foil of a stuffy park ranger.

John Muir

The Chuck Norris of Park Rangers.

Bongo, I feel like Imagineering owes you an apology. Either nobody over there has ever bothered to watch all 51 canonical Disney animated features (I’m not the only one that has done this, right?), or they’re all a bunch of Humphrey groupies.

I suppose I will just have to forgive this oversight, and accept that Bongo is never going to be the kind of breakout star we all hoped for, even though they did see fit to give him a Vinylmation. It’s like Bill and Ted, or Bosom Buddies. One guy goes on to get all the glory, the other guy is stuck waiting for the reunion show. And anyway, at least Humphrey is still a genuine obscure Disney reference, so it’s not a total failure.

Unlike that Sorcerers of the Magic Kingdom game. Disney, have you fixed this blatant Dalmation error yet???

 

Living The Dream Part Three: GET OUT!

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Read part one here and part two here.

It’s 6:30 am on the last day of the cruise and Leslie, our aggressively enthusiastic cruise director, is on the ship-wide public address system telling everyone to get the hell off.

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Her once charming and intriguing English accent is now grating and incredibly annoying. Half asIeep I picture that 3000-watt smile of hers and frankly I’d like to wipe it off her shiny happy face. This is the point of the trip when the rubber meets the road, when you see the truth behind the veneer, when the ugly underbelly is exposed. It’s like seeing Khloe Kardashian without makeup; a little scary, a little disconcerting and you will never look at her the same way again. Disney wants us up, packed and off the damn ship so that they can stack another 4,000 guests on, they don’t need us anymore.

Have a magical day!

Out in the hallway it is like The Night of the Living Dead as sleep deprived guests emerge from their rooms and stumble aimlessly down the narrow passageways towards the light, or at least the last free breakfast of the trip. I am sure this is normal for all cruises, in fact perhaps Disney somehow does it better than most, I really don’t know. What I do know is that all the warm embraces and magical Disney pixie dust of the past 5 days has been replaced with military like efficiency as the crew rounds up the passengers and herds them to the exits. You might get a stray cast member sporting an oversized stuffed Mickey Mouse glove waving goodbye but for the most part you get frantic pleas to keep moving and sideways glares from the crew. Not long ago we were their best friends, now we are pieces of meat taking up space and getting in their way as they scurry to do this all over again with a new group of eager folks with fat wallets. Such is the way of the cruise industry I guess, but that does not lessen the jarring realization that your time is up and you are totally expendable.

Ah the good old days of the great depression that never was… or something like that.

A few days prior it wasn’t like this, we were royalty and Disney was rolling out the red carpets everywhere we went, nowhere more literally than at the big shipboard shows held each evening. The Walt Disney Theater is a pretty space, an art deco confection designed to hearken back to some idyllic time suggesting the 20’s or 30’s. However it really never existed the way Disney wants you to think it did and anyone old enough to know better is probably dead so they get away with it. Regardless the theater is what you want a grand public space to be onboard a faux old-fashioned ship, it works. Twice a night for each of the nights we were on board Disney presented a different show or event here and each night (to varying degrees) guests crammed in filling virtually every seat. There were three original Disney theatrical shows (Villains Tonight, The Golden Mickey’s and Disney’s Believe) a magic show by a guy named Mike Super (who works not just for Disney but tours around working similar venues all over) and a presentation of the then brand new Pixar movie Brave.

Does this look good to you? The answer may determine whether the Dream would be a week in heaven or hell for you.

Leslie (who always materialized at these group events) would have you believe that the “free” screening of Brave was an incredible happening worthy of several loud (and forced)  rounds of applause. In fact it was kind of cool to have Brave on board when it was premiering concurrently on the mainland. It’s a nice advantage Disney has over other cruise lines and the theater is equipped with full on, state of the art digital 3-D capabilities. The magic show was somewhat of a let down in that Mike was not all that super as it turns out. Well to be fair he is actually a fine performer but for whatever reason it felt like the scale of the show was held back a bit. He performed more of a cabaret style show in a room that was really too big for him. But all in all he was entertaining and it was a nice break from the plethora of Disney specific entertainment on board. As for the other three official Disney shows they are exactly and precisely what you would expect. That is if you have seen any of the larger scale Disney park theatrical shows you have in essence seen these as well. In fact “The Golden Mickeys” was lifted directly out of Hong Kong Disneyland and actually plays better on the ship than it does in the park, surprisingly it was the standout of the three.

Are they good? Well “good” is very subjective, lets say they are serviceable and do exactly what Disney needs them to do. They are a solid family entertainment to fill a couple hours for a large portion of the ships population each night. There is nothing that will have you thrilled but nothing that will have you bored either and not unlike the Bon Voyage party kids (my daughter included) love them.

Treasured family heirlooms… nah, just garbage.

Once again Disney knows its audience and targets them. They do just enough to make parents feel like they are getting a unique “Disney” experience while never venturing out of very traveled waters. If you like the Aladdin show at Disney’s California Adventure or the Beauty and the Beast show at Disney’s Hollywood Studios then you will like these as well. I think my father opted to get some good face time with Ivana during most of the shows and that works as well. I found myself caught up in it, eagerly scooping up Mickey shaped golden confetti that was shot around the theater at the end of the Golden Mickey’s so that our daughter would have a keepsake of the experience. It’s amazing how kids can warp your world-view and common sense.

Our seven year old seemed almost angry when we came to pick her up after dining at Remy the last night on board. It was getting late, past 10:00 pm and she had been in the kids only Oceaneer Club for over 4 hours. We were concerned that she was bored, tired or even scared. As an only child she spends a lot of time with adults and tends to relate to them well. She will quietly read in her room or hang out at a restaurant but we had never left her alone with a bunch of kids in a crazy oversized play center before. We thought we were rescuing her from a candy colored jail. She in fact wanted more time, she demanded that we leave and shooed us away so that she could stay up late and make more crafts. When we returned an hour or so later she was camped out watching The Little Mermaid in a beanbag chair. I wish we had known this earlier in the cruise; leaving kids at the Oceaneer Club and the other kids only spaces is not a punishment to them, it is not a sign of an uncaring parent and it is not a compromise.  It is in fact, as it turns out, a highlight. It gives kids a unique and perhaps self-empowering experience unlike what you will find elsewhere. This aspect is very Disney-like indeed.

In retrospect we were fools… what kid wouldn’t want to spend time here?

This brings us to the fact that Disney has very carefully crafted the exact experience your entire party will have onboard, and that does not always mean giving you the best they have, it means leaving you with the impression that they have given you the best, the reality may be different. For example they do have the $1,200 cognac, they do have high-end food at Remy, they do have spas and private ocean front cabanas and each of these without exception is a hefty up-charge. The basic included items sound like they have all the bases covered but the crab claws at the buffet are so small and so much work that you won’t bother with them after your initial excitement. Sure, they offer sushi, but it is several levels below even most super market offerings and yes they have lounge chairs on the beach as long as you are ok being crammed in with thousands of others (queue the Jimmy Buffet music and the screaming baby here).

Which comes standard? This…

Disney gives the appearance of having the best of everything for guests while not incurring the expense involved with actually doing so. The food is serviceable, even good in some cases, it will not thrill you but neither will you feel cheated. The facilities can always handle the crowds they have, you will not feel exploited but you also won’t feel pampered or special… unless you pay for it. To be fair the public spaces and the rooms are quite nice and the kids facilities are, as one would expect, unrivaled. This is in line with any Disney resort experience. If you pay for the All Stars you are not going to get the Grand Floridian and even if you pay for the Grand Floridian you are not going to get the Four Seasons. It all feels good and well run and well thought out but you just can’t shake the feeling that it has been cost optimized a bit, a feeling all too familiar to those who visit Disney often these days.

…or this?

So the big question might be this: Does a Disney Cruise feel like a Disney experience or does it feel like something else, something less? Again, it was my first and only cruise so it is hard for me to compare but my instinct is that it is a much greater experience than a typical large family oriented ship. From what I have seen both first hand and in photos the physical ship is simply much nicer, much better designed and much more functional than those of Carnival or other direct competition. The Disney Cruise line is not going to fare so well against small, super premium specialty operators such as Seabourn but they were never intended to do so. In fact there are a lot of parallels between staying on the Dream and staying at a Disney resort, specifically the deluxe level resorts… they somehow feel the same. The way the shops are designed, the way the food tastes, the way the characters are used, the way the crew is dressed just all around it will remind Disney fans very much of being on property at say Walt Disney World so the answer is really an unqualified yes, yes it does feel like a Disney experience.

The Four Seasons Orlando Deluxe Resort and Spa

But is that in and of itself a good thing? Should a cruise feel kind of, sort of like visiting a theme park and if so then why not just go to the parks to begin with? Therefore the question becomes does this particular Disney experience warrant foregoing a trip to the more familiar parks? Assuming that you have a somewhat limited amount of time and money to spend on vacation each year, and you are a parks fan, should you skip Disneyland to go on the Disney Cruise? This is a very tough question.

Get out.

After departing I felt a certain desire to return. There is something so easy about not thinking about anything, having it all taken care of for you. You show up to eat when and where they tell you, you go to the show each night at the same time, you go to the beach when the ship docks at Castaway Kay and you mindlessly eat the BBQ ribs and chicken they have prepared for you once there. It runs automatically and it runs smoothly and it is all good enough that you generally won’t complain. But then again you are just a cog in a machine at that point… a large, well-oiled machine with many choices but a machine nonetheless. You are not going to break out, you are not going rogue, you are not going to zig when everyone else zags…you are a slave following the robot overlords and that bothered me.

Pass the Kleenex.

I suspect that this is part and parcel for every cruise; it is really the only way something like this can operate at all. So I am not pinning this on Disney but rather the concept of a cruise to begin with. I have a feeling that we will try this again someday, but I am not lining up to do it again now. Still, I am really happy to have experienced it. Disney had me captured on a ship for a week, fed me a constant diet of the very things I like least about Disney and yet I still got off feeling satisfied, happy and willing to return. That speaks volumes for how well they did. That also shows how much a kids happiness means to a parent. For those out there who actually enjoy the saccharin sweet aspects of Disney, who cry when they see the Tree of Life and want to do no thinking at all, well the Dream really may be your dream come true.

Living The Dream Part 2: Curse of the Black Pearl

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Read part one here

Sitting at the Meridian bar aboard the Disney Dream my father and I are contemplating ordering an extremely expensive glass of Louis XIII “Black Pearl” cognac.

This is interesting for a number of reasons. First of it costs $1,200 a shot, and that’s considered a bargain. Yes, TWELVE HUNDRED American dollars for one tiny shot (though served in a huge glass no doubt). Secondly when it comes to drinking I’m a total lightweight so it would be completely and totally lost on me. Finally because it is shocking that a Disney owned family oriented, mainstream ship would even have such a thing available.

A bargain at twice the price.

Ivana works the bar, she (like most of the crew) is not from the U.S. Ivana was born and raised in Serbia. The cruise industry has given her a chance to see parts of the world otherwise inaccessible to her and has allowed her to better herself along the way. Her partner at the bar is Ivan and oddly enough Ivan too is from Serbia. Perhaps the strangest part of this is that it is not a bit, not a set up, not a Disney created back-story. This is not “Victoria and Albert’s” (the fanciest restaurant at the Grand Floridian Hotel) where the servers nametags used to all read either “Victoria” or “Albert” regardless of their given birth names (fortunatley this stupidness silliness was put to rest a few years back). No, these are real people who just happen to share the same name and hail from the same country. When I mention Victoria and Albert’s and joke that the bar shoudl be called “Ivana and Ivan’s” they look at me with blank stares, it is obvious that they have never been to the Grand Floridian or to any Disney venture outside of the ship for that matter. Fate brought them together working at the highest end bar aboard the highest end Disney ship and together they tag team my dad and I in hopes of pushing a couple shots of the highest end liquor on board.

Victoria and Albert’s – Nothing goes with fine dining, subdued elegance and very high bills like goofy name tag schtick… good move dropping that.

Nearby the AquaDuck snakes itself around deck 11, it’s elevated perch brings it closer to the height of deck 12, the same deck Meridian is on. While not exactly thrilling the much-ballyhooed water coaster had my daughter enthralled and wanting to ride it over and over again. Two people per rafter slosh through the plexi-glass tubes on a meandering tour of the ships perimeter. For now it’s unique to the Disney ships and is about as far removed in tone and intent from the Meridian lounge as one could possibly be. Swimsuits, splashdowns and cartoon ducks, my daughter liked it here.

It looks faster than it is

The Meridian bar is situated between Palo, the decent adults only Italian restaurant and Remy the extremely good (legit good, not just cruise ship good) fine dining establishment. They sell things like $26 cigars, very well made dirty martinis with blue cheese stuffed olives (the cheese being poached from Remy next door) and apparently shots of cognac that go for the price of a used car. The décor is understated and clubby. Thickly padded leather chairs, inlaid wood floors, granite bars and not one cartoon character in sight. Located at the extreme aft of the ship the passenger accessible outdoor patio space offers spectacular views. There are no kids to be heard, no forced fun parties to attend and no lines to queue up in. If you didn’t know that this was a Disney product you never would know. My father liked it here.

No Shoes, no Shirts, no Wallet… No Service.

Every night after dinner he would venture upstairs to the far end of the bar. He’d chat with Ivana and Ivan and he would long for that $1,200 shot trying in vain to find a way to justify its purchase. Instead he would “settle” for a $45 glass of Hennessy Paridis, an extreme luxury in it’s own right. I would join him most nights but I would also venture out on the aft deck where groups of Disney Cruise regulars would gather each evening. I got to know them a bit, which was a pleasant surprise. Just as my dad made friends with Ivana I made friends with several of the regular cruisers. It was an unexpected phenomenon. Being trapped on a boat for a week, even though the boat is huge and holds thousands of people, it is surprising how often you see the same folks. Having shipboard buddies was not anything I had anticipated or even had heard of yet it was one of my favorite aspects of the trip.

This is not Ivana, but Ivana does have dark hair and did wear this costume, so lets pretend it is her. You may also pretend that the to models are my father and I… but thats REALLY stretching it.

In talking with my newfound friends I learned that some had been on many Disney cruises. Not just one or two or three but maybe eight or nine or a dozen. Some had no children at all and chose to repeatedly cruise with Disney simply because they enjoy it (of course some of these folks may also have the Minnie Mouse shower curtains that I love so much). It’s hard for the cynic in me not so scoff at these folks. I mean of all the things you could do you choose to take in essence identical cruises time and time again? Are they mental? Are they scared to do other things? Are they just crazy lazy? Then I thought about how many times I have visited the parks. I thought about how many trips I have taken to see the latest and greatest Disney attraction. I thought that to a non-Disney park fan I must appear mental.  So OK, I can cut the multi-cruisers some slack. I’m not sure that I would want to join them on a quest to become super platinum level Cataway-Club Disney uber cruisers but I get it… sort of.

Disney being Disney knows how to leverage their assets… for every “adults only” venue decorated in muted shades of brown and taupe there are two plastered withcandy colored depictions of Nemo or Mickey or, in the case of the AuqaDuck, Donald and his clan. Prominently featured sticking out of one of the decorative smoke stakes near the AquaDuck are the larger than life legs and hindquarters of Donald. The story goes that Donald got blasted so fast through the still under construction tubes that he imbedded himself headfirst into the side of the ship. All my daughter saw was that he had no pants, and no private parts either.

Leveraging Donald’s “assets”

 

Back at the Meridian each nights solicitation of the Black Pearl cognac grew stronger and stronger. It went from a simple acknowledgement of its existence (dramatically displayed in a back-lit case at the bar) to an offer for us to keep the custom made crystal glasses they serve it in (a $300 value each we were told). Eventually we were offered the remaining contents of the bottle (regardless of how much was left), the glasses and the empty bottle itself. They are supposed to take the names of anyone who has ordered a glass and when the bottle is empty have a drawing to see who gets to keep the bottle (a hand made Baccarat black crystal extravagance). There are just 750 or so of these that have ever been produced so the empty bottle is worth a lot. Think about this… the boat was just over a year old, assuming the bottle was full at launch, and there are only a couple of shots left, means that about 14 people had already ordered these drinks prior to our trip. Disney’s quest to get people spending seems to be working. Maybe you prefer an endless supply of Diet Coke… you are covered as well.

Does not dispense fine cognacs.

Disney has managed to create a ship in which not more than a couple hundred feet from one another is a self serve, all you can drink, 24 hour soda dispenser, a family water slide and a bar offering some of the rarest and most expensive cognac in the world (Did I mention that a bottle of “Black Pearl” costs about $15,000… but it is so rare you can’t find a bottle to buy anyway so don’t worry about it). Each seems a world away from the other and yet they coexist on the Dream.

This dichotomy of “experiences” is a recurring theme on the ship. Disney has tried very hard to offer everything to everyone, even at extreme ends of the spectrum. I was happy to see this, not necessarily because I like one side of the scale more then the other but rather because I had the option to choose. My dad got to hang at a fancy bar and dream of crazy drinks, my daughter got to hang at the AquaDuck and get anatomy lessons on anthropomorphic water fowl and I got to spend time with both of them. I’m not sure that either option woudl be their first choice if given unlimted alternatives (my daughter likes Big Thunder an aweful lot and my dad is more into wine than cognac) but both were pretty good. The Dream does most things pretty well, well enough that a 7 and a half year old and a seventy something year old both can find things they enjoy.

Seriously dude, put on some pants.

At the Meridian Ivana was sad on our last day, not only because alas we never did order the cognac but also because my father never had a chance to say goodbye. I think she honestly was a bit hurt that after 5 days of seeing him for several hours a night she never got to say goodbye to her temporary friend. I said goodbye to her, I also said goodbye to my new buddies and exchanged some e-mail addresses. I’m not sure if I will have life long friends from this but I did have vacation long friends and that was more than I expected.

After she loudly inquired about the lack of goods between Donald’s legs I explained to my daughter that while real ducks actually have huge, oddly shaped and generally hidden genitalia cartoon ducks get by just fine without them.  Around that time $1,200 for a shot never sounded so good.

 

We’ll wrap it up with a few final thoughts in part three.