Claim Your Dumbo

Posted on April 25, 2013 by shane

I love paying attention to the detales. Im extremeley detail oriented.

I am self-diagnosed with OCD, which means I just offended everyone who is professionally diagnosed with OCD. But I love a good fixation, and Disney gives me many opportunities in which to sink my teeth, as if I were a vampire and the theme park was a nubile young neck, throbbing with plasma and begging for a bite.

Vampire water park

It’s one of the reasons why I’ve decided to go for WDW47. It’s a challenge. A complex puzzle. A seemingly unsolvable equation. It has consumed a lot of my time lately. Teevtee and I have had some marathon brainstorming sessions on how to complete it, and we keep coming up empty. There are some fundamental roadblocks we just can’t seem to get past. The parks are their own universe, with their own laws of physics. Some of them, you just can’t violate.

I’m dying to tell you what WDW47 is, but for now it must wait. It’s simply too early. Expect to hear me tease this thing for the next month or so. I promise I will give you fair warning before the actual attempt. Just as NASA must carefully plan launches, waiting for everything to align, so must WDW47. There is a window, but it’s a tight one, and it doesn’t come along for several more weeks. In the mean time, I will need something else to fixate on.

Like flying elephants, for instance. Like I said, I’m drawn to the details, and occasionally I’ll hit upon an idea to plus things. It might be big, or it might be infinitesimally small. This is one of the latter.

Unlike the Magic Carpets or Triceratops Spin, which use numbers on the ground to assign you to a vehicle, Dumbo uses tokens. There are 16 Dumbos, and so there are 16 tokens. When the ride operators are planning for the next group, they hand a token to each party, and when they run out, they know they have enough people. It’s a nice way to keep track and improve loading efficiency.

I don’t mean to complain, but the tokens handed out at Magic Kingdom look something like this:

Pictured: Utter Lack of Imagination.

In case you count tell, that’s my rendition of a plastic green rectangle. Now as we all know, plastic green rectangles are important in the story of Dumbo, because when Dumbo falls asleep after drinking some kind of hallucinogenic clown beverage, he and Timothy Mouse dream about an endless parade of green rectangles. Later, the green rectangles show up as Animal Control agents, who shoot the Ringmaster on sight. It’s one of the real highlights of the story.

Or maybe it’s just a cheap way to create tokens for a theme park ride.

I have been ranting to close loved ones for years that Disney should choose something a little more imaginative than plastic green rectangles as tokens for Dumbo. These relatives are no longer close, and have tried to have me institutionalized. But the point still stands. Is it possible that there is some little item in the Dumbo story that actually could work well as a token for flying Dumbo? Let’s see, if I could just think about it for one minute…

This is the part where I shout “Ta-Da!” in a triumphant, sing-song voice.

Yeah, so it turns out Disneyland actually uses my magic feather idea. I discovered it during my trip last December. I love them for it. Sure it’s just a cheap plastic black rectangle, cut in the shape of a feather. But it’s a wonderful little detail, and is exactly what I have been preaching for years. I think Disneyland management has been in contact with some of my relatives. I had this idea first, I’m telling you. Disney must have a tap on my phones (because I’m pretty sure I have pitched this idea over the phone to a random telemarketer). Anyway, I’m keeping an eye on them. If my next brilliant idea for the Magic Kingdom parking lot shows up soon, I’m filing a lawsuit.

The Myth of Skull Rock

Posted on March 19, 2013 by shane

You remember the classic scene in Peter Pan. It sets the stage for the central conflict of the story. The more I think about it, the more I think it might be based on the historical Battle of Tippecanoe, which was fought in my hometown more than 200 years ago. It has all the touch points: Vaguely imperialistic villains, horrific massacre of the Native American population, an iconic rock formation, an elfin white boy protagonist.

Tippecanoe and Tinkerbell too!

Skull Rock is one of those great, scenic locations that tourists love, because when you’re on spring break, nothing sounds better than coming face to face with a giant death’s head. Peter Pan’s Flight has always had some form of it in the ride, and Disneyland used to have a life-sized version outdoors in Fantasyland. Disneyland Paris still has it. There’s even a cool Skull Rock formation inside one of the caves on Tom Sawyer’s Island.

Recently, a Skull Rock was added to the Pirates of the Caribbean.

I haven’t seen this particular formation talked about much. It was added late last year as part of the infamous “mermaid” additions. I am completely hypnotized by it, and I can’t understand why it hasn’t been receiving its due. Either I was asleep the week that everyone already talked about it ad infinitum and nobody cares anymore (entirely possible), or I’m the only one in the entire fan community who appreciates just how wicked cool it is (yeah right).

Thanks to Kevin Yee (ultimateorlando.com, miceage.com), I have a picture I can share. It’s been greatly brightened, because that scene is dark (in more ways than one).

That pirate died of crabs. Har har.

Not bad, right? it’s a nice little skull shaped rock formation just after the mermaids in the water, but before the mermaid on the beach. I’m diggin’ it all over again.

But you might be asking yourself why I think it’s so awesome. As shown in this picture, it’s sorta nice for some background ambience, but really it’s no big deal. The Skull Rock in Peter Pan’s Flight is much more prominent and graphic. But what may not be obvious is that you are looking at one of the really clever visual effects in the entire ride.

I think Skull doesn’t get noticed, because of the mermaids. At roughly the spot where the above picture is taken, there are glowing mermaids swimming through the water beside your boat. They’re too distracting for anyone to worry about a silly old background rock. And by the time you’re done looking at them, your attention is immediately drawn to the beach, with the skeletons and that snapping animated crab.

But if you would just look to your left as you floated towards the beach, you would experience the thrill of watching that Skull Rock completely vanish.

The whole thing is a Perspective Sculpture. It only takes shape when viewed from a particular angle — in this case, straight on (one might even say dead on, ho ho). It’s almost impossible to see in this picture, but the nasal cavity is a couple formations, the right eye another formation, and the left eye still yet another formation. Even the stones making up the teeth are separate, jutting out of the water.

Worst artist’s representation ever

As seen in my stunning graphic above (drawn from memory in photoshop without regard for quality), the whole thing looks positively Dali-esque from the side, and not a single bit like a skull. Even the various eye-holes and things are not always true holes, but a series of concavities and overlays that just happen to line up perfectly from one angle.

Perspective Sculptures can be a lot of fun. You can see a lot of pretty elaborate ones here (warning: One of the images in the slideshow is NSFW). I think it’s cool that the Imagineers added one to the Florida Pirates, and try as I might, I just can’t seem to find hardly any mention of it. Check it out next time you’re complaining about how inferior the Florida Pirates ride is!

Point Counter-Point

Posted on January 10, 2013 by Teevtee

Years ago when Saturday Night Live used to be funny (no even before Will Ferrell… no even before Phil Hartman… no even before Eddie Murphy; we are talking original cast here) in the mid 1970’s a staple of the then unique fake news segment was called “ Point- Counterpoint”.

Get ready for it…

Weekend Up-Date co-anchors Dan Aykroyd (who you may remember from such movies as Ghost Busters, Blues Brothers and other good movies made prior to the mid 90’s) and Jane Curtin (who you may remember if you are old) would debate the hot topics of the day. Jane would start with a well thought out, carefully articulated opening remark clearly stating her point of view in a logical and professional manner. Dan would reply “Jane you ignorant slut!” undermining her point and reducing the debate to it’s most base level.

After reading Shane’s recent account about the misguided arguments made by Disneyland loyalists all I can say is “Shane you ignorant slut!”

The most magical time of the year… for about 70,000 people at a time.

As it turns out Shane and I missed each other at Disneyland by a slim couple of weeks but we were there at in essence the same time and I am sure had similar experiences. Shane is now a local Orlando boy, he is used to breezing in and out of the Florida parks at a moments notice. He will not subject himself to 90 minute waits for Space Mountain and knows how to reverse manage the crowd flow as well as anyone. Now take him and toss him into the similar looking but totally different world of Disneyland at one of the busiest times of the year and it is a recipe for disaster. Suddenly Shane was no better off than the sea of tourists he was forced to join. Most of his WDW secrets and tricks don’t function at Disneyland and worse yet a very high percentage of those around him were savvy locals pulling the same techniques on him that he is used to lording over the confused masses at WDW. The Emperor was stripped naked.

To Shane this is worthless.

Lets take a look at Shane’s points and give some context to them.

• Disneyland was first

Shane argues that even though Disneyland was first that fact holds little meaning. I think he has a point here to an extent. 20 years ago it did make more of a difference, 30 years ago it certainly did, but as The Magic Kingdom has aged many of the benefits Disneyland held have been equalized. The saplings of Walt Disney World have grown nearly as large and old as those at Disneyland. The Magic Kingdom is now closing in on 45 years old… it seems like Disneyland’s 50^th anniversary just passed. As time goes by both parks can boast long histories and have had lots of time to grow and perfect the operations.

Lieutenant Ilia knows how to rock the dome.

And for the record Shane, the bald chick in Star Trek: The Motion Picture is hot and being first still counts for something. It may not affect the average tourist but being there longer means a couple additional generations of people who have fond memories of being there. Those people are in many cases the brave soldiers who fought World War II… are you saying that the greatest generation is worthless trash… it sounds like you are.

Meaningless, sentimental rubish.

• Walt Disney actually walked at Disneyland

Shane dismisses Walt’s personal influence on the park arguing that he has been dead for 45 years and his same inspiration was used to craft the Magic Kingdom.

On this one I think he misses the mark a bit more. Walt more than inspired Disneyland, he inhabited it both literally and figuratively. He breathed life into it and his legacy there has been respected through the years to the point that you can still sense his presence. Yes, that is the type of sentiment that we usually make fun of around here but sometimes we make fun of things that are still true.

There are still enough old timers, still enough baby-boomers who recall seeing Walt as a kid strolling the park, still enough Imagineers that respect that legacy that Disneyland feels less corporate than the other parks. It feels more special for a lack of a better description. They have left many areas virtually untouched since Walt last visited and these areas hold up today as well as they did back then. It is a real difference. Now I admit, it is harder to enjoy those differences when there are 50,000 other guests crushing you but your bad timing cannot be held against the park.

Rides? We don’t need no stinking rides!

• Disneyland has more rides

Shane’s stance on this is that the Magic Kingdom works as part of Walt Disney World as a whole and therefore it is an unfair comparison. To that I say tough.

If you are going to directly compare the inadequacies then you also have to also directly compare the superior points of Disneyland. We are not debating the Disneyland Resort to the Walt Disney World Resort, we are comparing Disneyland to the Magic Kingdom and I think just about every visitor (other than Paul Pressler who oddly seemed to hate rides) would agree that more attractions is better than fewer attractions. And lets be clear here, we are not talking about a couple extra rides or a few small scale attractions, we are talking about major attractions, E-Ticket attractions, many of which do not appear anywhere on WDW property. Indiana Jones, The Matterhorn, Roger Rabbit, the Subs, Alice in Wonderland, the big Holiday makeovers on Mansion and Small World… the list goes on. While the Magic Kingdom can point to lameness such as Stitch or repeat attractions such as Mermaid Disneyland hosts a full days worth of additional quality shows and attractions.

On top of that many of the Disneyland rides are superior to the Magic Kingdom versions in execution, maintenance or both. Pirates, Space Mountain, Tom Sayer Island, Fantasmic and so on. They are just superior, not much more to say.

This dude may not be the best example but they really do seem to try harder on the West Coast.

• The people at Disneyland care more

Again Shane dismisses this as a one sided argument made by “homers” who are incapable of seeing beyond their blind prejudice for the park they grew up with. Well I did not grow up with Disneyland, I grew up with WDW dating back to the very earliest days. I was there many times when it was only the Magic Kingdom, I saw the opening of EPCOT Center and had many sleepless nights looking forward to it. Disneyland was some far away place I only visited once as a kid. I was totally stacked against Disneyland, it seemed small, old and inconsequential to me. Then I realized that I WAS WRONG.

I am not a homer for Disneyland but I can see that there is a general sense of caring more from the cast members and those who actually run and design the place. Look at the name tags… in Disneyland virtually everyone is from a 50 mile radius. They grew up at the park, they have fond memories of the park, they want to transfer those memories to others. At WDW most cast members are not only not from the area, many are not from the country. While this creates it’s own interesting dynamic in general the cast members are less invested in the parks, do not have as strong of a personal connection to them and therefore, well, they don’t care as much. Real world example: The Jungle Cruise skippers are nearly across the board better at Disneyland. They really try and put their all into it, they simply perform a better show than the zombie-like mumblings and murmers you get most fo the time at the Magic Kingdom. Yea, they don’t have throngs of Brazilian tour groups to deal with and yes, I know first hand how difficult it can be to consistently deliver an “A” Level performance… but your odds of getting a good skipper at Disneyland are much higher than at the Magic Kingdom.

The management teams that run Disneyland know that despite long term plans they are catering mainly to locals who know the parks and have visited them many times. They cannot get away with allowing major show elements (ie: Yeti) to sit dormant, hulking shells of rotting steel because the demographic at Disneyland knows that they did not just break that day but rather management has all but given up on them. They have more pressure to create newer and ever evolving attractions and show elements. It is debatable if they “care more” or not but regardless of the motivation it is clear that they maintain the attractions and the park better at Disneyland and that they offer more newer additions much more frequently.

Sometimes good things come in small packages…

If you read through the full post you will see that most of Shane’s downsides about Disneyland are related to its physical size. The tiny castle, the many bottle necks, the sometimes odd placements of attractions. Much of this is true, and yet it is the physical size that gives Disneyland many of it’s greatest benefits.

They had to figure out how to cram all that stuff in there. The whole opening act of Pirates is there because they needed to get guests under the berm and out into the show building. The great queue for Indy, still a true part of the attraction in my opinion, serves the same purpose. The way Alice in Wonderland winds above and through several other attractions, the interaction of the Monorail, Autopia and Subs (and formerly the People Mover) are all because they were forced to do this because of the tight spaces… and yet all of these things add many layers of detail and enjoyment than newer, more pre-planned parks fail to capture. And frankly being able to get from one side of the park to the other in 5 minutes is not bad either.

But not always.

Disneyland may never have a big ass castle with a character dining opportunity inside and a 6 months wait list to eat some mediocre roast beef but its scale gives it a dare I say charm than is lost at the Magic Kingdom.

But of course I am also being unfair. Shane’s post was never meant to be about which park is “better” but rather how visiting one when being so familiar with the other can be confusing, almost disorienting. From this perspective he is 100% correct. At this point I get Disneyland, the Magic Kingdom, Tokyo Disneyland, Disneyland Paris and Hong Kong Disneyland so mixed up in my head that I honestly often do not realize which park I am in at any given time… but Disneyland is still the best.

Goofy and the Pirate King

Posted on January 1, 2013 by shane

Happy 2013! My New Year’s Resolution is to finally write some serious, relevant, thought-provoking posts, and stop monkeying around with silly stuff.

Having said that, when looking at my Alien Encounter toys yesterday, I found another item from Disney’s defunct line of die-cast attraction vehicles. I was so fascinated by it, I had to write immediately.

“One root beer, one snowcone, please.”

This is a generic Pirates of the Caribbean boat with Goofy and a buccaneer, having just left the A&W Drive-Thru. Or maybe I have the wrong restaurant. Seriously, that pirate looks extremely familiar. Where have I seen that face before?

“What be I offered for this winsome Whopper?”

I don’t believe it! It’s the long-awaited reunion of Goofy and the Burger King! There is a sitcom here, I tell you. Disney would make millions. Anyway, as I was saying about my New Year’s resolution… aw crap.

Alien Encounter Action Figures

Posted on December 31, 2012 by shane

Since we’re on the subject of Alien Encounter, I want to share some pictures with you of my toys. Because that statement didn’t sound creepy at all.

Did you know that back in its heyday, Disney marketing a line of action figures based exclusively around this attraction? And there were some pretty good ones! I have the whole set, which I keep on my desk at work, to remind me that if I’m not scary enough, Michael Eisner will fire my butt.

I predict that that the 80% of you who have never heard of these things will immediately check eBay for the going rate. I predict also that 75% you will scoff at the exorbitant prices some collectors think they can get away with. For the other 5%, you people need to realign your priorities and stop spending money on silly theme park memorabilia. Focus on those Kitchen Kabaret plush toys instead.

“You’re our lucky volunteer!”

First up is Skippy, the cuddly teleporting alien with the wobbly eyes and anteater snout. He looks positively adorably here, with posable arms and plastic molded back legs — just like the real AA figure!

“Welcome to the great big universe of X-S.”

Next up we have S.I.R., which stands for Simulated Intelligence Robotics. S.I.R. is one of those rare action figures that can be voiced either in your best Tim Curry impression, or your best Phil Hartman impression. With some extra paint and a little bit of play-doh, he can even be voiced in your best Richard Kind impression, but you really don’t do a very good Richard Kind, so I recommend sticking with Curry or Hartman.

“You’re not burned. You’ve just got a healthy glow.”

How awesome is this one? Fried Skippy! Kudos to Disney merchandisers for recognizing the sales potential in a torturous experiment gone awry. Fried Skippy’s eyes are painted with fine bloodshot details, and his fur is a nice tone of “burnt toast.” He may not look like much, but his arms are still fully posable!

“It’s an alien!” “It’s my mother-in-law!”

And now the piece de resistance! The Alien! You probably don’t quite recognize him. To fix this, fill your room with mist and blink your lights on and off really fast. The alien is painted a pleasing blue and green color, and is certainly misunderstood. Before he came through the teleporter, I’m sure he looked like Good Skippy up there.

If there is anything to complain about with this product line, it’s that they did not follow through with action figures of Chairman Clench, Spinlock, Tyra Banks, and Kathy Najimy (whatever their characters’ names were). Maybe we can convince Disney to give us a set for the 20th Anniversary. D23, are you listening???

Parkeology

A warped look at Disney theme parks

Category Archives: Magic Kingdom

Claim Your Dumbo

The Myth of Skull Rock

Point Counter-Point

Goofy and the Pirate King

Alien Encounter Action Figures