"Parkeology is the search for fact. Not truth. If it's truth you want, Dr. Tyree's philosophy class is right down the hall."
Just what is this strange and wonderful discipline you've discovered? There are many definitions, and almost all of them are correct. The one thing it is not is "flying rubber." That's actually the definition for Flubber.
The word "parkeology" comes from the joining of the Greek word "logos" (meaning "word" or "study") with the other Greek word "parchaois," which means "old theme park," or sometimes "lost theme park," and occasionally literally "World of Motion used to be so awesome."
There is a hidden universe beneath Walt Disney World and other Disney theme parks, and that is where the parkeologists live. Actually, there really is a hidden network of tunnels, called the Utilidors, and that's how Disney employees get to and from their jobs without having to fight through the mobs of tourists. Parkeologists do not live there (except one time, when parkeology jobs were really tight, and mom got tired of us sleeping on her couch). No, we're talking about an even deeper universe.
"Parkeology surrounds us, penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together."
It's a study of details. Hidden storylines, secret in-jokes, buried treasures. The aspiring parkeologist hunts out these details and reveals them to the masses, like that annoying guy who is always telling you how the card trick works. Ricky Jay has been known to shoot parkeologists on sight.
Parkeologists also explore lost ruins: the remains of Disney attractions no longer operating, but which stay around in the background, slowly decaying into dust. You know, like Cher.
There are two requirements for being a parkeologist: 1) You have to love Disney theme parks and be willing to spend hours staring at old Skyway stations. 2) You need a somewhat crazy sense of humor (note: #2 can also result from staring for hours at old Skyway stations, so it's not that hard).
Before you lies a wealth of information, a veritable library of revelation and education. All it takes is one click.
Still reading this page? Great! You have passed the first test in becoming a parkeologist! Let your adventure begin!
