5 Times Ben Franklin Made Me Want to Punch Him

Ben Franklin is an unrepentant theme park windbag and he deserves to have his butt kicked. I’m not going to focus on the petty stuff, because that is beneath me. If you want to wear your stringy dishwater hair like a half-bald Michael Bolton, more power to you. Nor will I pick on his frilly-suit/white-socks ensemble. […]

The Thing Behind Door 24

It cannot be real. I won’t let it. Yet somehow the desperate, still-sane part of my mind will not let me forget the truly unsettling site I witnessed at the Magic Kingdom on the evening of March 24. As I write this, I am still quite shaken. I don’t know what will come of this nightmare. […]

I am not a Crook!

Well actually I really am not a crook, outside of trying to shoplift a fruit roll up when I was about 12 (and being caught doing so) crime has never been my thing.  But I’m not talking about myself; I’m talking about one of the most infamous presidential quotes ever. It was near the end […]

Two If By Sea

American History is ripe with heroic tales of patriotism, many of which provide dramatic backdrops to Disney attractions like the Hall of Presidents.  Lincoln is well documented.  Ben Franklin, yes, he’s important.  Washington, sure.  But perhaps no patriot stands so tall as that immortal giant who carved himself into history with the simple act of […]