Disney Doubles Down on Fading 70s Puppet Show

While its rival opens up yet another ho-hum thrill ride based on a monkey from the 1930s, Disney has revolutionized the theme park business with announcements for not one but two next-generation themed experiences, aimed squarely at the emerging Millenial audience. Dubbed a “Potter-killer” by industry pundits (a reference to Universal’s well-received Harry Potter lands), the […]

5 Times Ben Franklin Made Me Want to Punch Him

Ben Franklin is an unrepentant theme park windbag and he deserves to have his butt kicked. I’m not going to focus on the petty stuff, because that is beneath me. If you want to wear your stringy dishwater hair like a half-bald Michael Bolton, more power to you. Nor will I pick on his frilly-suit/white-socks ensemble. […]

The Thing Behind Door 24

It cannot be real. I won’t let it. Yet somehow the desperate, still-sane part of my mind will not let me forget the truly unsettling site I witnessed at the Magic Kingdom on the evening of March 24. As I write this, I am still quite shaken. I don’t know what will come of this nightmare. […]

Alternate Fantasy – Bizarro Squares

We now come to the part of our tour where each coast diverges into its own unique little niche. Florida, by virtue of its large collection of Confederate flags, inability to efficiently count election results, and its heritage as the birthplace of “Making Fun of Natives By Uppity European Explorers Searching for Magic Life Potion,” […]

Stocks and Bongos

The most evil buzzword in the theme park industry today is “interactive” (followed closely by “guest experience,” and rounded out by “Potter-killer.”)  I’m a traditionalist, darn it, and I prefer my theme parks shaken, not stirred.  If I have to hear about another “living character initiative” or “NextGen project,” I think I’m going to have […]