How to Cope When Disney Closes Your Favorite Ride

The Universe of Energy closing date is almost upon us. Those clever vampires in Disney Merchandising are already selling t-shirts featuring the word “Extinct.” It gives me some ideas about how to monetize my own funeral. This is not the first vintage Disney ride to close. It’s not even the best. In the late 90s, […]

The Giant Snail Invasion

So apparently Florida is being overrun by giant snails. I think it would be moderately terrifying to have my life snuffed out by a slow-moving half-blind giant shell, but I knew it was a risk when I moved down here. All those Florida retirees in their Cadillacs… As plagues go, giant snails is several levels […]

The Top 20 Disney Theme Park Songs Of All Time

I have an entire iTunes playlist called “Disney Theme Park Music” because I don’t know what is going on with these modern songs. It’s all loud rock-n-roll with kids shaking their hips and whatnot. What happened to those bygone days when a “Taylor Swift” was something seen during a riveting bird-watching expedition? I wish we […]

Nuggets of Theme Park Wisdom

I have recently discovered something truly incredible in the food world. It is called Dino Nuggets. I’m sure you have heard of these. Especially if you have kids. They are chicken nuggets, shaped like dinosaurs. That’s their entire marketing hook. I’m sure they have been around for years, but I don’t have kids, so I […]