What if Disneyland Arrived 60 Years Too Late?

Try to imagine, just for a moment, a giant space monster punching Father Time right in the teeth. A punch hard enough to jar loose sixty years. A half-dozen meaningless decades. A skip on the record player of history. Now imagine that this cataclysmic punch occurred in 1901. History shrugs it off. Life finds a […]

3 Secrets To Rediscovering If You Had Wings

I’m just old enough to remember when “Tomorrow” meant peoplemovers, wrap-around movie screens, and acres of vanilla buildings. Now we live in a Stitched up Tomorrowland, where all the goodie 1970s futurism has been Monstered out of existence by a slew of animated Lightyears. Twenty years ago, Tom Morrow moved out and George Lucas aliens moved in. New […]

Buzz Lightyear in Mathmagicland

Mr. Buzz Aldrinicus Lightyear is an elite Space Ranger, with pop-out wings, wrist laser cannon, and a swooshing helmet. He has bilingual modes, multiple sound effects button, and a box that transforms into his ship. But when it comes to numbers, the poor guy is more lost than a Brazillian tour group at the FastPass […]

Tomorrowland Grassy Knoll

Grassy Knoll, as shot by Abraham Zapruder.   If you’re a serious park fan, then you’ve seen the film by now.  A gritty Super-8 movie, the colors bleeding at the edges, the background overexposed by the harsh Florida sun.  The frame jitters from the amateur camerawork.  The scenery streaks with every fast pan. History in […]

Hack Your Speedway Wait Time

The puttering little cars of Tomorrowland Speedway is notorious for its slow-loading passenger turnaround.  CMs have to manually move each car up to a station, make sure the next driver is buckled in, and then flag them on their way.  It can add up to an interminable wait in line.  However, there is one hack […]