What if Disneyland Arrived 60 Years Too Late?

Try to imagine, just for a moment, a giant space monster punching Father Time right in the teeth. A punch hard enough to jar loose sixty years. A half-dozen meaningless decades. A skip on the record player of history. Now imagine that this cataclysmic punch occurred in 1901. History shrugs it off. Life finds a […]

3 Secrets To Rediscovering If You Had Wings

I’m just old enough to remember when “Tomorrow” meant peoplemovers, wrap-around movie screens, and acres of vanilla buildings. Now we live in a Stitched up Tomorrowland, where all the goodie 1970s futurism has been Monstered out of existence by a slew of animated Lightyears. Twenty years ago, Tom Morrow moved out and George Lucas aliens moved in. New […]

Buzz Lightyear in Mathmagicland

Mr. Buzz Aldrinicus Lightyear is an elite Space Ranger, with pop-out wings, wrist laser cannon, and a swooshing helmet. He has bilingual modes, multiple sound effects button, and a box that transforms into his ship. But when it comes to numbers, the poor guy is more lost than a Brazillian tour group at the FastPass […]

Tomorrowland Grassy Knoll

Grassy Knoll, as shot by Abraham Zapruder. If you’re a serious park fan, then you’ve seen the film by now.  A gritty Super-8 movie, the colors bleeding at the edges, the background overexposed by the harsh Florida sun.  The frame jitters from the amateur camerawork.  The scenery streaks with every fast pan. History in the […]

Hack Your Speedway Wait Time

The puttering little cars of Tomorrowland Speedway is notorious for its slow-loading passenger turnaround.  CMs have to manually move each car up to a station, make sure the next driver is buckled in, and then flag them on their way.  It can add up to an interminable wait in line.  However, there is one hack […]