Mysterious Holes

This is the week, America.  This is the week when those wonderful blue construction walls start popping up in earnest for the “biggest expansion in the Magic Kingdom’s history.”  They’ve been hard at work behind the scenes, but now we’re actually going to see some closures.  First to bite the dust:  Pooh’s Playful Spot and Ariel’s Grotto.  And then we’ll be treated to magical images like this:

Look at this stuff.  Isn’t it neat?  Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete?

I have no love for either of these areas.  I’m not exactly the target audience for a playground or waiting in line to meet a scantily dressed redhead (actually, maybe I am).  Nor do I have love for Toontown Fair, which will close later this summer.  But it’s not closed yet, so this week parkeologists have been hard at work to bring you some wonderful little finds from our latest digs.

If you can’t get enough of theme park construction, you could always visit Diggerland, a theme park about construction.

Since the 1990s, guests have been able to explore the S.S. Miss Daisy, otherwise known as Donald Duck’s boat.  Exploring this boat takes approximately 8.2 seconds.  You walk in one side and out the other, soaking in such details as “The Map of Duck Puns” and the “Cord That Is Supposed To Ring The Bell or Blow the Whistle But Doesn’t Work Half the Time.”  During the summer months, the foam rubber flooring outside the boat (BLUE flooring, cuz, you know, it’s water) has little squirting things sure to fill the diaper of any toddler within a 3-mile radius.

It’s not exactly the Haunted Mansion.

There is one curiosity though, and no, I’m not referring to Donald’s plastic laundry blowing in the breeze high above you.  It has to do with the doors.  You enter from the starboard side (a nautical term meaning “we’re too fancy to just call it the right side.”)  This door is just a normal door.  But when you exit on the port side (nautical term meaning “We need a 4-letter 1-syllable word for ‘left’ “), pay attention to the hole you just came from.

This isn’t even a real door.  The wood is all fractured and splintered, blown out as if somebody locked an irate duck with a bad temper in the hold (nautical term meaning “boat basement”).  If you even notice the makeshift hole at all, that’s probably just what you would conclude.

You would be wrong.

However, if you thought somebody could survive this movie to become the next star of the Indiana Jones franchise, you would be right (“starboard”).

There is an answer for this hole, and in a very un-Toontown-like display of layered backstory, you can’t find it anywhere near Donald’s boat.  Tell you what:  why don’t you go across the street and walk through Mickey’s house?

Mickey’s House is like Donald’s boat, only with many more plastic items to look at (but don’t touch).  They all have either mouse ears on them or some sort of cheese pun.  This is considered “good theming.”    Mickey also has some pictures on his wall, and if you pay attention, you’ll see a series of pictures showing Mickey, Donald, Pluto, and Goofy on some sort of fishing expedition.

Wait a second!  Is that a shark ripping a hole in the side of Donald’s boat?  Quick, somebody sound the whistle!  Oh wait, the cord still doesn’t work.  I like to imagine that there was an earlier scene where Mickey, Donald, and Goofy all sat around swapping scar stories and reminiscing about Mickey’s tenure on the U.S.S. Indianapolis.  And that maybe Goofy is in the middle of saying “Gawrsh!  We’re gonna need a bigger boat!”  Why is Mickey driving anyway?  I thought Donald was the captain.
Anyway, it turns out all right in the end, thanks to another picture.  Apparently “Ducks are friends, not food.”  Mickey even caught himself a fish, which looks like the love child of Flounder and Sy Snootles (oh, just google her).  Dare we hope for some backstory consistency?  Yes!  That Mick Jagger fish is mounted in Mickey’s House, sans cheese pun or mouse ears.  So just enjoy these Toontown Fair moments while they last.  They won’t be around much longer.


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