Nintendo Announces Disney Version of NES Classic Edition

The hottest gift this holiday season is the NES Classic Edition, a video game system that Nintendo created by jamming a USB cable directly into my brain and downloading my childhood. The NES Classic Edition contains 30 timeless games from the Nintendo Entertainment System’s heyday. And if I don’t get one for Christmas, I will […]

Man Achieves Lifelong Dream of Trading with Jawas

History was made this past weekend as an Orlando man finally completed a 40-year quest, trading worthless garbage with non-verbal junk dealers known as Jawas. The man, described as a parkeologist in his early 40s, first heard of trading with Jawas while watching the 1977 film Star Wars, a space fantasy by George Lucas. In […]

Disney Springs Awakens Ancient Bloodthirsty Creature

When Disney Springs opened the Coca-Cola Store back in July, it came with mysterious signage promoting a future encounter with the soda company’s lovable polar bears, housed inside a secret room in the middle of the store. Now, thanks to the daring photography of field parkeologist Dena L., we can see that this was all a cover […]

Hollywood Studios Adds Star Wars Holiday Special Fireworks

Following last week’s announcement that a new Christmas show would be replacing the popular Star Wars A Galactic Spectacular at Hollywood Studios, Disney officials announced that they are retooling the show to keep both the Star Wars and the Christmas themes intact. The Star Wars Holiday Special Nighttime Spectacular will debut on November 14, 2016. […]

Stupid Judy Played the Perfect Jeopardy Round and LOST!

Imagine that you are Dr. Judy Peterson, professor at the prestigious University of Energy. You have just lost a gameshow to your former college roommate, who calls you “Stupid Judy.” And yet you are the only person in history to play a perfect Jeopardy round. When Was the Perfect Jeopardy Round Played? Back in 1996, […]

Disney Doubles Down on Fading 70s Puppet Show

While its rival opens up yet another ho-hum thrill ride based on a monkey from the 1930s, Disney has revolutionized the theme park business with announcements for not one but two next-generation themed experiences, aimed squarely at the emerging Millenial audience. Dubbed a “Potter-killer” by industry pundits (a reference to Universal’s well-received Harry Potter lands), the […]

Tokyo Disney’s 45 Rides: A Preview Ranking

In just two weeks comes a theme park challenge of mythic proportions… The two halves of Team Parkeology will board airplanes from our respective corners of the country and fly halfway around the world, where we will be reunited at the Tokyo Disney Resort. And there — in the span of just four days!! — […]

The 10 Lines You Wait In (Before Getting to the Rides)

Years ago, Disney embarked on a super secret project to re-invent the theme park experience. It came with an abbreviated nickname straight out of Silicon Valley. They called it NextGen. How totes adorbs of them. NextGen promised a turnstile-free park entrance, FastPasses without pesky paper slips, and a breezy vacation experience utterly devoid of hassle. […]