Railroad Torso Boy

I do not often expect to be confronted with the truly weird when visiting Walt Disney World. Maybe if it was the actual Museum of the Weird. But when I’m just perusing Main Street or the Art of Disney, my guard is not up. I’m still traumatized by the Kid with the Unhinged Jaw on New York Street.

It makes no sound, but I can't stop hearing it. Make it stop!

It makes no sound, but I can’t stop hearing it. Please make it stop!

Yesterday I stumbled onto another mannequin at Art of Disney, which is fast becoming an object for which a phobia needs to be invented. This one was just a torso, bedecked with a hundred decals. Instead of a head, it wore an emblem of the Walt Disney World Railroad. Instead of legs, it was mounted like some poor deformed creature onto a toy railway car. Instead of a beating heart, there was only the slow, throbbing drumbeat of the bongos of hell.

How 'bout a hug?

How ’bout a hug?

This thing looks like something out of Sid’s room. I stare at it for hours, trying to understand its haphazard pattern of railway logos. As I study it, the more logic seems to warp around me until I can no longer make sense of the world. It’s a Walt Disney World Railroad fan, by its head and railcar, but the Disneyland Railroad and Carolwood Pacific appears on its body. And the car seems to be riding half in, half out of another dimension. Why are some of its benches backwards? What mysterious tracks does it travel? What does it all mean??

I wonder if it might not be possible to bring together all these terrifying body parts to create a Frankenstein’s Monster of Mannequin horror. Screaming kid’s head. Railroad Boy’s Torso. We’d need something for the legs. Something festive, in the spirit of the Christmas season. I may have some ideas about this.

Christmas Story Leg Lamp


Comments (6)

  1. Can anyone remember the real race cars you race around driving real motor cars without no center rail at all and the small speedboats without no rail you drive them yourself but had to be a license driver to drive them and how about suberine rides I have reel to reel home made movies my parents filmed with 8mm home movie video camera filmed our family at disneyland in the early 1960’s and 1970’s and of how disneyland all looked like back in them years in time and the fireworks huhe huge fireworks they used back in them days wowwwww. Disneyland was awesome back then

  2. I was at HS on Saturday…. and I swear to god, that thing gave me the biggest WTF moment of my entire trip. It just doesn’t make any sense….why? And for a couple of hundred bucks…..why???

    • I’m not sure what you would even do with it if you bought it. Do people just display random torsos covered in railroad stickers in their home?

  3. I want one!

    • You think that now. But what if you were to wake up in the middle of the night to find it sitting on your nightstand… watching you.

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