The Top 20 Disney Theme Park Songs Of All Time

I have an entire iTunes playlist called “Disney Theme Park Music” because I don’t know what is going on with these modern songs. It’s all loud rock-n-roll with kids shaking their hips and whatnot. What happened to those bygone days when a “Taylor Swift” was something seen during a riveting bird-watching expedition? I wish we […]

Alternate Fantasy – Bizarro Squares

We now come to the part of our tour where each coast diverges into its own unique little niche. Florida, by virtue of its large collection of Confederate flags, inability to efficiently count election results, and its heritage as the birthplace of “Making Fun of Natives By Uppity European Explorers Searching for Magic Life Potion,” […]

Goofy and the Pirate King

Happy 2013! My New Year’s Resolution is to finally write some serious, relevant, thought-provoking posts, and stop monkeying around with silly stuff. Having said that, when looking at my Alien Encounter toys yesterday, I found another item from Disney’s defunct line of die-cast attraction vehicles. I was so fascinated by it, I had to write […]

The Key to Jack Sparrow

Among theme park attractions, there are a few special experiences that elevate themselves above the rest into the realm of artistic masterpiece. Pirates, Mansion, Small World, Gadget’s Go-Coaster… These modern classics are considered to be the very highest class of attraction. And if art has taught us anything, it’s that a classic work can always […]

Imagine the Possibilities

Everyone has a favorite scene in Pirates of the Caribbean. For 95% of the theme park public, this scene is either Johnny Depp hiding in a barrel or Johnny Depp fondling a dressmaker mannequin. The remaining 5% have a modicum of good taste. We know the classic iconography. The dog with the keys, the wench […]

Walt Disney World Quest Magical Racing Tour (2000)

It’s been a long time since we had an entry in our series of park-based video games. And as you no doubt have noticed, the world financial markets are reacting to this oversight. Unemployment figures have risen sharply, and America’s students are now verifiably stupider than they were before. So, here to set everything right, […]