When your pirate ship bails out the nursery window and Peter Pan’s flight over London begins, you know you’re in the hands of a magician.
You sit in awe of this dashing sorcerer with a trim mustache and a command of the stage — enthralled from the moment he pulls Big Ben out of his hat, all the way until he saws Captain Hook in half.
But behind every great stage magician is an itinerant man who buys doves in bulk, hits the bottle a little too hard, and steals ruthlessly from the competition.
At the end of the day, it’s all a trick. Everyone knows the guy’s hiding the rabbit down his pants. The fun is that you can’t spot when he makes the switch.
We like moonlight and music. Once you know how it works, the trick loses its appeal. Nobody wants to see what Peter Pan’s flight over London looks like with the work lights on.
Oh yes. We are that jerk. And just so you know, Rosebud was his sled and Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.
And it gets worse. We’re not going to just spoil the magic. We’re going to question why you even believed the magic in the first place.
So sit back, relax, and let us throw back the curtain on all the ways Peter Pan’s flight over London follows the Second Star to the Wrong.
The Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up. And the City That Did
The character Peter Pan first appeared in print in 1902. The novel upon which the Disney movie is based came out in 1911. Internet sources peg the story’s time period as “circa 1900” or “Edwardian.”
Automobiles were certainly invented by then. But it was not until mass production techniques evolved a decade or so later that they really became ubiquitous in American and British culture.
Yet as we dive out of the nursery window, there are no fewer than 3 lovingly detailed automobiles parked on the street right outside the Darling house — each progressively smaller than the last as our perspective is forced higher.
That’s a lot of cars for one street at a time when the most prevalent form of transportation still involved a horse.
And that’s nothing compared to all the headlights whizzing down streets and zooming across bridges as we sail over London proper. There are so many cars on the road it’s like a miniature George Lucas is down there filming American Graffiti.
Because I have no self-respect, I have actually spent several trips through Magic Kingdom’s version of Peter Pan’s Flight studying all the cars leaving Big Ben and roaring across the Westminster bridge. The full bridge span is 827 feet in real life, but those cars traverse it in just about 10 seconds flat.
I’ll spare you the math, but every single one of those vehicles is pushing 60mph — in an era when the fastest car in the world could barely top 70.
Need I remind you that it’s the dead of night, the street lamps are gas-powered, and the pavement is all cobblestone.
No wonder nobody could hear Nana barking.
This Isn’t Even London
Not unless aliens changed it on us in the last century.
Would it surprise you to learn that the Darling house is a real place? At least, it comes from a real place. A little burg called Bloomsbury.
It says so right in the opening narration for the movie. In fact, it’s somewhat autobiographical. J.M. Barrie himself lived in the Bloomsbury area, and Peter Pan as a character is first mentioned as coming from Kensington Gardens just a few streets to the west.
Funny thing about Bloomsbury. It is just a few blocks north of Westminster and its fabled icon, the clock tower containing Big Ben.
Big Ben sits on the bank of the River Thames, which cuts west to east through this section of London. Just downstream from Big Ben is another major landmark, the Tower Bridge.
We can chart the exact route to Neverland in the movie.
After leaving the Bloomsbury house, Peter and the children spend a few moments zooming around roof tops before alighting on Big Ben. Peter points out the Second Star to the Right and they head east, passing over the Tower Bridge.
We know Neverland must lie even further to the east, because the movie shows the children still on course as the Thames empties into the sea.
Given all of these geographical facts, can someone please explain to me why when we exit the nursery in Peter Pan’s Flight, Big Ben sits on the opposite bank of the River Thames?
Furthermore, we appear to be much nearer to the Tower Bridge than Big Ben. Given this configuration, we would be appear to be coming from London’s southeastern quadrant.
Let us politely ignore the fact that the river seems to be bending the wrong way for this layout. And let’s skip over the certainty that London is missing at least one historical bridge between Tower Bridge and Big Ben. But is a little accuracy too much to ask?
To add insult to injury, after your pirate ship spends a few moments in a holding pattern over London, Heathrow refuses to give clearance to land and reroutes it to Neverland — which of course lies in the exact wrong direction in the ride.