This is how parkeologists view the world: An apocalyptic Disney landscape, in which the wind whistles eerily through once-grand halls, and evil creatures lurk in the darkness (no, I’m not speaking of Sounds Dangerous).
For months now, the Disney fan community has been waiting with baited breath for the arrival of Epic Mickey. For those of you without opposable thumbs, Epic Mickey is a video game, which means it is responsible for all that is wrong with the youth of America (along with Coca Cola). Nobody is quite sure what makes Epic Mickey so exciting, but it probably has to do with the tantalizing artwork featuring a crumbling ruin of Spaceship Earth.
|Also Monstro the Narwhal. Or is that just a really big turkey leg?|
What you may not realize is that Disney theme parks have been popping up in video games for years. In fact, Disney theme parks may be responsible for some of the worst video games ever.
|This ain’t no Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride|
For our next few outings, let’s take a little journey into the video game world and see if we can’t track down a game worth playing. Some of these you are probably familiar with. A few are best forgotten.
|See Dreamfinder get spine-ripped. Just like real life.|
As we go, we’ll see the games evolve. It will be like Spaceship Earth, if Spaceship Earth focused on the history of first-person shooters. Hey, some of these games really do look like early cave drawings. That’s what happens when you only have 8 bits to work with.
|An eerie Bibbity Bobbity Boutique sequel is in the works.|
So wipe down those soda-stained controllers, blow the dust out of the cartridge, and fire up your Konami code for unlimited lives. Parkeology is going virtual, and we’re pretty sure our princess is in another castle.
|Okay, I’d play this one.|