Han Solo Spin-Off Movie Inspires Our Absolute Worst Park Ideas

In 2016, Disney replaced a classic Epcot attraction about the history and culture of Norway with a princess boat ride through the fictional kingdom of Arendelle. Fans accused the company of watering down Maelstrom’s message with hit cartoons — then turned Frozen Ever After into the most popular ride on property. Can the situation in Norway get any worse? As we consider last week’s announcement about the new Han Solo spin-off movie — cryptically titled SOLO: A Star Wars Story — it turns out it can get worse.

Much, much worse.

Norway Transforms Into Han Solo Spin-Off Movie Land

Ron Howard, Director of SOLO: A Star Wars Story, has it pretty easy when it comes to making title announcements. He only needs to swap two letters on his poster board and he has the name of Norway’s capital city.

Might as well jam another popular IP into the Norway pavilion.

Ron Howard announces Oslo: A Norway Story instead of his Han Solo Spin-off movie

Old World Showplace Village Pavilion Becomes Millennium Falcon Village

Norway never participated in Epcot’s original Millennium Village. But as part of the Han Solo spin-off movie tie-ins, they might bring it back. Millennium Falcon Village may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.

Millennium Village becomes Millennium Falcon Village at Epcot

Disney’s “Sandwich of the Future” Brought Back as the “Sandwich of A Long Time Ago In A Galaxy Far, Far Away”

Our love of Disney’s original Handwich is well-documented. But if the Kringla Bakeri Og Kafe begins serving Han-wiches, we’d just as soon kiss a Wookiee.

Disney's Handwich re-imagined as the Hanwich, after Han Solo

Frozen in Carbonite – The Mash-Up Ride You Never Wanted

Hey, it’s been a year. Frozen Ever After is due for a Carbonite makeover. It should be quite well protected. If it survives the freezing process, that is.

Anna and Elsa meet Han Solo in the eternal winter of Arendelle. Do you think a princess and a guy like him could — nevermind. I’m sure they think he’s just a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder.

Disney's Frozen in Carbonite Ride replaces Frozen Ever After in honor of the Han Solo spin-off movie

At least they can use this opportunity to add a single Solo riders line to the most popular ride at Epcot.

Han Solo Never Met a Porg … Who Cares?

Porgs aren’t from the Han Solo spin-off movie at all. They’re from The Last Jedi — also a movie with title issues, which opens in December. But screw it. Porgs are cute and The Puffin’s Roost needs a Star Wars Story overlay.

The Porg's Roost replaces the Puffins Roost at Epcot's Norway

So what do you think? Are these the absolute worst Han Solo spin-off movie tie-ins, or do you have some even more terrible ideas to share? Sound off in the comments!

Puffin’s Roost Photo by Justin Calaghan

Comments (4)

  1. Pure Gold. Thanks for making me laugh out loud. Happy Halloween!

    • It always makes me proud when my horrible ideas get a laugh! Thanks Jon!

  2. Turn Spaceship Earth into Spaceball City, turn Via Napoli into a Pizza the Hutt themed restaurant and Mission: Space into a flight in Lonestar’s winnebago. Oh, wait… I’m getting my epic space movies mixed up again. Sorry about that.

    Turn Spaceship Earth into the Death Star with Han Solo scenes from A New Hope.

    • An entire land themed to a long-forgotten 80s parody of Star Wars! I hope the accountants are crunching some numbers for this sure-fire financial windfall! 😉

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