Theme Park Life

The Purple Whales of King Triton’s Carousel Are Finally Free

The purple whales of King Triton’s Carousel of the Sea departed the shores of Paradise Pier yesterday, never to return. We waved a tearful goodbye to those cuddly, humpy beasts as they slapped their happy flukes in the waves and bellowed an off-key song. Then they were gone. And with them goes a great Parkeology […]

Han Solo Spin-Off Movie Inspires Our Absolute Worst Park Ideas

In 2016, Disney replaced a classic Epcot attraction about the history and culture of Norway with a princess boat ride through the fictional kingdom of Arendelle. Fans accused the company of watering down Maelstrom’s message with hit cartoons — then turned Frozen Ever After into the most popular ride on property. Can the situation in […]

The ONLY Way to Ride It’s a Small World

There are right ways and wrong ways to do anything in life. For example if you go to a BBQ restaurant and order kale you are doing it the wrong way. If you drive a Pontiac Aztec you are doing it the wrong way. There is only one proper way to ride It’s a Small […]

We Rode It’s A Small World During the Solar Eclipse and Did Not Blink

A cosmic event like yesterday’s solar eclipse comes along once in a lifetime. People held parties. Entrepreneurs sold merchandise. Some folks developed superpowers. And while everyone was outside struggling with funny glasses, Parkeology had a brilliant idea. Everyone was watching the same old sun. But we’re Parkeology, darnit. We’re different. Since we’re old pros at awkwardly […]

Universal Announces Even More Screens at Impromptu U24 Expo

In the wake of last week’s D23 Expo by Walt Disney Parks and Resorts — which announced 9 new rides, multiple new entertainment venues, several themed lands overhauls, 2 premium hotels, 1 cruise ship, and an ill-conceived gondola system — Universal Studios Orlando hastily held an impromptu U24 Expo on a giant screen outside the City […]

Will Park Fans Enjoy Spider-Man Homecoming?

Spider-Man Homecoming opened this weekend. You heard it here first. If you spread the word, maybe this little indie can recoup its cost. There’s a lot of crossover between movies and theme parks. Disneyland was built by movie-makers. It uses movie tricks to tell movie stories. It even sells overpriced popcorn. So maybe there’s room to […]

Parkeology: Disney News Update 6/30/17

With lots of big events soon to be announced at D-23 we thought it was about time to start a semi-regular column covering some of our thoughts on the current Disney news. We know that everyone’s feeds get inundated with Disney PR as is, but we hope to cut through some of the haze. Don’t […]